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[Sometimes, Stefan feels like his life is one giant soap opera. He's already a doppelgänger. His ex-girlfriends - both of them! - were doppelgängers too. His older brother was part of a love triangle with one of them. Technically, still is.]

The most extreme. [Stefan laughs, nervously rather than with any actual amusement. If he doesn't laugh, he feels like he would end up punching something. Or worse, crying over it later.] I couldn't tell you. For all I know, Silas can hear this entire conversation.

I think she wanted to date me as I was - like, the last thing I remember is her asking me out - but she also wanted to use me as collateral.

[Collateral for what, Stefan didn't know.]

I'm sorry, uh. It sounds super ridiculous when I say it all out loud.

[ barry leans across the table and speaks loudly, ] Kanye said Beyonce isn't the best artist of all time!

[ he settles back into his chair, appearing completely fine before he realises that wasn't exactly the most normal thing to do. with a shrug of his shoulders, he explains easily, ] Just in case he's listening ... Fact-checking. It might be all you need to make sure he's not mistaken as you. Everyone knows she's the best artist of all time. [ honestly, it's something he thinks he should invest with wells — a code-word, or him simply smiling. ]

[ crossing his arms against his chest, he narrows his eyes as he tries to process this — or act like he's processed it. within seconds barry's been able to comb through it and discern stefan needs to not go on any dates without the woman being severely investigated. ]

Is she here? This witch who wants to ask you out but also use you as collateral in some really weird game of chess? Is it chess? Can it be chess if there's more than two players? [ he shakes his head. ] I'm losing track here. If he's not here, shouldn't you be kind of getting your memories back? It's an alternate dimension. Maybe it's far enough away from your world that the magic's paper thin.

Edited 2017-01-22 10:34 (UTC)

[His new friend has a serious Beyoncé problem. Though, come to think of it? Stefan hasn't exactly been listening to her albums, so he makes a mental note to ask the closets for whatever would remedy this (newfound) gaping hole in his pop culture knowledge.]

Um, of course she is.

[Stefan's furrowed brow speaks for himself - is Beyoncé gonna be their codeword? Are they gonna have a secret handshake? - but he doesn't want to ask more.]

You'd think, but I haven't gotten anything back. Tessa isn't here either, so it's not like I can track her down for answers, and uh - I don't think I can ask anyone else from my world.

[Or so he says. Truth be told, he doesn't want to burden Bonnie with this kind of magic. He doesn't feel like it's right, knowing what killed her back home in Mystic Falls - undoing the spell could lead to similar consequences.]

It's a bad enough high school reunion without throwing my amnesia into the pot.

Michelle and Romy could've used some amnesia to make their movie a bit more interesting.

[ it's not the point, barry. although, he would've liked it if phoebe buffay had made an appearance. perhaps an amnesia plot would've been great in that film ... ]

[ again, not the point. ]

You probably have nothing to worry about. Wonderland's magic's pretty impenetrable, it won't let me — [ break it's magical barrier. ] Uh. It just won't let me find the Mad Hatter's room in this mansion. [ he shrugs his shoulders, shaking his head. ] If he's not doing the whole mind poking thing, then you're kind of safe. You can relearn everything about yourself at your own pace, without having to worry about your evil doppelgänger and his scorned ex-girlfriend.

[Note to self: figure out who Michelle and Romy are, and how they're related to high school reunions. Stefan's got a sneaky feeling that he had Strong Feelings, and those strong feelings eliminated that movie from his grasp of pop culture.

Or, he blinked and missed the 90s entirely. That's possible too.]

I sure hope not. They were weird enough the first time around. [He smiles, though, at the reassurance. Barry's good people, if he can take all of this in stride.] Also, wow, sorry. I didn't mean to overshare my entire life story back there.

I mean, I'm sure there's more to my life than what I just told you? I just don't happen to remember it.

[He's been told about said life, and he's seen maybe a couple of weeks of it in action. Those are very, very different from actually remembering it.]

[ barry's used to it. crime scenes tend to have a life of their own, and he more often than not ends up discovering so much about it. sometimes the tyre marks talk to him, sometimes he has to pull it out of the blood spattering, and there's the occasional moment where he has to force himself into someone's life like he's a distrusting parent reading his kid's diary when it comes to threads left behind. he finds he's often on the receiving end of a lot of life stories, often ones that end with someone with cuffs snapping around their wrists thanks to joe west. ]

[ and then there's the occasional person who likes to tell him how his life is. between thawne and gideon, barry's sometimes found himself kind of in awe with whoever he becomes in the future. ]

[ he smiles, ] Maybe you will, if you take it slow. Some things weren't meant to be rushed.

[ ironic, given who he really is. ]

[ and lifts his coffee to his lips. after drinking some, he reaches for more sugar packets. taking a bunch, he opens two and pours it into his coffee. he wants that buzz to last for longer than two seconds. ]

[It's incredibly solid advice, too. Stefan had gone in the exact opposite direction, denying who he was because he couldn't handle the pain and the suffering behind the ornate cursive.

Maybe he shouldn't deny himself that, and maybe he should start to rediscover himself, whoever the heck that may be.]

Sure seems like it, yeah.

[He pauses, staring at the liberal use of sugar. Someone's got quite the sweet tooth. Stefan hadn't considered that his new acquaintance (new friend, he reminds himself) would've wanted something less strong. Note to future Stefan: ask. Ask, and hope that one of those frou-frou drinks would be more suitable.

Or they could just go down the menu. Everything's free when a closet answers their whims and desires.]

Hey, um - if that's not enough, I can get you something else.

Hm? [ barry's ripped three sugar packets, and is onto his fourth before he realises what he's doing. ]

Oh! I'm fine. Real fine. I just do this when ... I'm thinking. [ except that's a little white lie. barry does it when he needs to keep himself preoccupied, or when he needs a bit of a hit. barry allen can never sit still, and it seems as though that restlessness isn't showing itself in the tapping of his still feet, but in him ripping sugar packets. sometimes he forgets to curb his urges when it comes to food when he's not hanging around his team. (those urges would make anyone who doesn't know him concerned about his diet, and he can't blame them at times.) ]

[ he puts that fourth unopened sugar packet down. he shakes his head, ] I don't have a sugar problem. [ and he keeps shaking his head before he winces. ] I sound like I'm denying I have a sugar problem.

You uh, pile on the sugar when you're thinking? I'm no nutritionist, [or at least he sure hopes old-Stefan wasn't because hello irony,] but wouldn't you just spike and crash?

[He remembers this vaguely, from the general biology (biochemistry?) texts he had picked up since the Mindscape. He shouldn't have to rely on Barry, the next time Wonderland sends him flying into an empty chemistry lab with only the periodic table and a two-way mirror. Teamwork had been the point, sure.

But Stefan sure felt like he couldn't contribute much, beyond burnt hair and a blank slate. Either way, he's already scooting back his chair, with an understanding (if not downright amused) expression.]

You are, but that's okay. No shame in having a sweet tooth.

[Or sugar-y appetite.]

... Yes.

[ barry's not quite selling his answer. of course he knows that he'd spike and crash, but these days, that spike and that crash don't quite last for as long and as strong as they used to. for him to reach that sugar high, he needs to consume so much that it'll linger in his system for more than a second. and he has a feeling because he often runs after he has some sugar, he never quite experiences that high like a normal person. perhaps some chirpiness when he's running, but he generally seems to calm down once he needs to focus. ]

[ for a moment, he thinks he needs to watch how he eats. as barry allen, he needs to be more mindful of operating at human capacity. as the flash, he can get away with this, because he doesn't advertise himself as being completely normal and human. ]

But the high's the best part. And people say I'm really sweet, so. [ he lifts his shoulders, trying to gain traction again to address the awkward cover-up. he smiles, ] I figure I might as well prove it, you know? Sugary sweet. My teeth are going to hate me in a few years.

[He laughs, not fully convinced. Something about Barry isn't quite right, but Stefan won't be the one to address it. He has enough secrets and skeletons rattling around his closet to pry in someone else's. No matter how much he wants to.

After all, he might be looking for zebras when he should seek horses. Some people have impossible sweet tooths.]

Yeah, just be careful. I don't think Wonderland has dentists. [Or doctors, though he's never tried to seek them out. His healing factor usually does the job.] If you know what you're doing, then um - I'll let you be the judge of that.

Unless [ there's an unopened sugar packet in his hand, which he uses as though it's a fork. he points it toward stefan, though it flops. ] Mad Hatter's the dentist. And that's why he's not around.

[ sure, sure, barry. regardless of how unlikely that theory is, barry settles for it. it pulls the attention away from his sugar, even though it remains in the peripherals for now. ]

Couldn't you just ask for new teeth from the closet? I know that paints a really gross image, but those closets so far don't have a limit on them. The impossible's possible. And so are teeth, I think.

Probably, but do you really wanna be the poster child for veneers?

[Stefan raises his eyebrows, leaning back in his seat as he contemplates this. People have asked for stranger things, after all. Pets, animal (and human) blood, and even whole sets of furniture are fair game for the mystical and magical closets that inhabit every room within Wonderland.

But teeth? That's a road he never wanted to wander down.]

Plus, even if I asked, I'm pretty sure I'd mess up and get like, those toy chattering teeth instead.

[ barry lifts his cup off the table to move it in his hands, swirling the liquid inside of it. glancing down for only a moment to watch as it doesn't splash over the brim, he looks at stefan, as if waiting for the punchline. chattering teeth always came to life in the movies, and it's not something barry's taken much into account of when it came to wishing for things that weren't exactly normal from the closets. ]

[ now, it's added to his list. ]

You say that like chattering teeth isn't a cool thing to get ever.

Only when you're actually wishing for it.

[He wrinkles his nose, as if he's been deeply insulted. Truth is, Stefan hasn't quite mastered the fine art of reaching into the closet and grabbing what his heart desires. Either the closets are laughing at him or his mind's far too jumbled up or - or there's some actual trick that he hasn't quite uncovered. Or worse, all of the above.]

Maybe it's because I'm new here, but the closets don't seem to like me much.

[ the next thing on barry's wish list: chattering teeth. it sits somewhere below beyonce's new album, lady gaga's new album, remixes of the songs on both cds, something of mom's, something of dad's, a photograph the closet won't quite give him. but it's on the first page of his wish list. he's set to prove to stefan people would wish for chattering teeth. ]

It's all in the flick of the wrist. [ he lifts his hand and does just that, flicking his wrist and hearing a slight crack. he glances down at it in some surprise, then forgoes it. perhaps his bones truly do need a little resting from all of his speeding around. ] Trust me. [ except he's totally lying, he has no idea why the closet gives and doesn't give at times. ]

It's Leviosa, not Leviosa. It's all in how you think and say it.

[Hmm.

Stefan blinks at Barry's wrist, half-wondering if he should offer up his blood. Everything seems okay? Maybe?]

Really? [He rests both arms on the table, careful to not jostle his drink.] In that case, I wanna offer a proposition. You teach me the fine art of closet wishing, and I give you... I don't know. Maybe a CD full of those obnoxious deer sounds.

[It's a serious Bargain, considering how loud and obnoxious such a recording can be. Stefan's even willing to turn back into a deer again, should they even find someone well-versed in Transfiguration.]

Deer sounds? Will it be teal deers or pink deers? I feel like this is a pretty important thing to know before I accept.

[ resting his fist on the table, he looks at stefan earnestly. though it could be a joke, barry would accept a cd of deer sounds. he can already think of a few evil things he could do with it, like play it in wells' room and hide the stereo so he can't find the source of the odd noise. ]

[ he can easily recognise stefan's small offer for what it is. from what barry understands, he still hasn't quite found himself. it's okay by him. he'll accept deer sounds, because it means no one else has a cd full of deer sounds. what stefan has to offer has value, even if he doesn't quite see it. ]

Teal. Definitely teal - you think I'd hold out on you in your hour of need?

[Stefan laughs, genuinely, at his brazen offer. He'll even throw in one of those stuffed teal deer, just so Barry can torment whoever he chooses at whatever hour he chooses.

He may not like what he turned into, let alone how he sounded, but he can put that past him for the sake of understanding Wonderland (and in turn, maybe himself).]

[ barry smiles. it sounds like a deal to him, and one that's good, even if stefan can't find sounds made specifically by a teal deer. in truth, barry doesn't require anything in return for showing stefan how to use the closet. he doesn't need anything at all. but if it makes stefan feel better, he'll accept it. it's not his place to tell someone how to be at ease when they feel they're asking for too much. ]

Teal deer deliver. Other deer? [ barry shakes his head, pulling a face. he looks serious when he says, ] I wouldn't trust them.

Smart. From what I remember, orange deer were the worst gossips, and brown? Super skittish.

[He ducks his head to hide his smile. Stefan can't remember the last time he's felt this comfortable - which, again, could be the amnesia talking. It could also be a sign of how topsy-turvy everything's been.

This, though, feels right. While Stefan'll soon learn to accept an offer for what it is, he appreciates being taken seriously.]

For real? Oh man, I guess I better end that friendship.

[ barry finally takes a drink of his coffee and squints, making a soured face as he does so. placing it down, he coughs a moment, before his throat seems to settle from all the sugar. ]

He told me to put sugar in my drink. Never trust a blue deer, dude. [ he coughs again, as if for good measure, but he feels something finally shift in his throat. ]

A bit late for that, don't you think? [He raises his eyebrows in amusement, wrapping a hand loosely around his own mug.] Now you're stuck with me and my -

[Wait. Shit.

His groan can probably be heard across the entire coffee shop.]

No wonder I was teal.

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