accelerate | ( ENTRANCEWAY INBOX )

Bartholomew is about as bad as Leonard Snart and the Flash makes you sound like a perv, not a hero. I had a friend in the joint who called himself the Flash, he'd drop his pants and waggle his dick at any nearby chicks in the park.

[When he was first told they were going against the Flash, he kind of thought it was the same guy and gave Leonard a look. Good thing they changed to scarlet speedster.]

I don't hurt people any more, remember? I'm a good boy. I play hero and try not to make a mess. And when I make a mess, I clean it up.

But

this ain't an apology. I never said sorry. Don't assume, you ass.

I ain't being sorry for something I didn't do. And honestly, if I had to put money on it, I would have thought you'd have kicked my ass. I'm honestly a little disappointed in you, red. Who taught you to fight?

[This was swiftly going off the rails from a good will message to a critique of his fighting abilities and calling him an ass. He really shouldn't kick someone while they're down. He knows this, he's trying his best not to. It's just so damn easy.]

But yeah, get well soon

[ he's going to receive ten rapid fire messages of: ]

Wait.

[ he only needs a second to really digest what mick's saying. he knows he's the flash — and he hasn't attacked him? ]

[

]

[ prepare yourself, your inbox is about to be on fire with rapid text messages hitting it, mick: ]

Okay

#1 I am not a perv and I don't go around wagging my dick in parks
That's just not kosher and there are KIDS around there
PLUS I HAVE DIGNITY AND I AM A GENTLEMAN

THE FLASH IS A COOL NAME, HEATWAVE
WHO CALLS THEMSELVES HEATWAVE????

#2 THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY FIGHTING
He literally preempted EVERYTHING I did to the point where I'm sure if I did the Single Ladies dance, he would've joined in. And no offence, dude, but you don't seem like the type to have any semblance of rhythm.
Again: I said no offence.

#3 You know who I am??????

[ please note: he did not deny or question mick calling himself a good guy. ]

If you have dignity, maybe wear less bright red leather.

And I didn't call myself heatwave, your dumb friend called me heatwave
I've never called myself heatwave neither.
I like Mick.

You got your ass kicked pretty hard by a guy with guns and armour, maybe you should fight less predictably. Or better. Don't blame the hand you're given, blame your own lack of skills and not even trying to bluff. Maybe next time do the single ladies dance and throw the bastard off. I dunno what that is but it might work.

we fought aliens together.

[Is that everything you need to know? He's getting really tired of texting you. Texting is dumb and he hates long texts.]

[ there's so many things barry wants to reply to, such as: ]

[ 1. cisco is not dumb. ]

[ 2. he has dignity! and he looks great in red leather. ]

[ 3. he got his ass kicked because of an unfair advantage he doesn't want to acknowledge, but barry's at least recognised that something was off in that fight. he makes a mental note to possibly ask mick later for deets on chronos, because: ]

For real?

You and me?

ALIENS?

Like Men in Black?

Did we have Neuralyzers?

OMG

Are we now known as the Galaxy Defenders?

[ a barrage of texts, once again, hits mick's phone. despite iris telling him the journey they've had since the night on the porch, having it confirmed by mick rory makes it all the more surreal. besides, he wants to see if he's a will smith fan. ]

Yeah. You pissed off some aliens or something? I wasn't listening but I think that's it. And you got that Robin Hood guy to gather up all of us to take the weird lizard-faced bastards down.

Then you got skirt and she fired lasers at us when we got whammied.

I gave her my number but she still hasn't text. [He doesn't want to text himself - seems to eager. Play it cool, Mickey.]

would have been cooler if you and your boyfriend hadn't fought the whole time and then we all discovered you ran back in time and changed ... a baby and a brother dying or living? Something. I think.

[It's a hard set of events to recall when he spent most of it eating, ignoring everyone and trying not to upset Sara because she punches very hard when he's being a dick. All he remembered was that Barry changed time so his friend was mad at him and then they all fought aliens and won.]

Men in Black was better.

Though I did get to set an alien on fire.

Edited (html refused to work ) 2017-05-23 11:29 (UTC)

[ there is so much information that he should really be taking in and addressing, such as a gender changing, a brother dying, so much shit that happens when you mess with time. but barry's self-preservation kicks in, and so he reads his message and doesn't quite comprehend a lot of it. the guilt would be so heavy mick would be able to set him alight just by grunting. ]

[ speed reading is a great skill, but it also means he can miss some things when he doesn't bother to go through it with a fine tooth comb. (how can he when mick calls oliver "robin hood"? ]

You know calling Green Arrow "Robin Hood" is offensive to both Cary Elwes and Disney's Robin? You're assuming Green Arrow likes to sing and dance. (He doesn't.)

Also Disney's fox Robin is, like, super cool.

Who's Skirt? I know a lot of skirts.

Not that I know a LOT of skirts because that sounds really bad and I'm

Just going to hope you appreciate I cut this text short and didn't spam you with like 10 of them.

Do not punch me.

He's in green. He has a hood. He shoots Arrows. He's either Robin Hood or a tribute act to Robin Hood.

I did like the Disney's Robin Hood. I watched it well over a hundred times. Often more than once a day. Didn't sour me on it somehow.

Skirt. Supergirl. Same thing. She's cute.

[And he's not seriously aiming to hit that but he is very endeared by how precious and adorable she is. He kind of wants to protect her from all the bad things - their Supergirl here, less so. She punches hard, she's gonna be fine.]

I already said I'm not going to punch you.

Punching a cripple is a dick move.

Can we just call Green Arrow a wannabe Robin Hood because I feel like I need to run back in time and protect Hood's legacy from your commentary, and I can't do that.

Not that I CAN'T. Because I can. I can do ANYTHING.

[ he's not injured, see! ]

I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to take you calling Kara cute because ... You know.

She's way out of your league, dude. Like, she's KRYPTONIAN.

[ that translates to: kara is the coolest alien ever and she's too good for the world. he'd start singing praises about her but barry allen has restraint at times. ]

[ and he thinks to reiterate: ]

I'm FINE.

We'll call him a cheap knock off. Like those dime store toys you get. I used to get Lis off-brand barbies. They were about as disappointing as meeting the Arrow.

[He expected something more than being told to train harder and getting some smouldering glares from a guy in eye shadow. That was the Arrow? Pfft. He's seen scarier in a drag club.]

I could pull her before you could pull her, twerp.

And there's no such thing as out of your league if you know how to play the game. I can score whoever I want, whenever I want. Just don't want to lately.

[He just spent a while accidentally confessing love to the ghost of his best friend - he's not in a good place to make romantic decisions.]

Me and Snart talk about everything.

Including you.

He told me Chronos did a number on your ass and the fact I ain't seeing you buzzing around says you ain't exactly fine, kid.

You do know I am the fastest man alive?

It's really weird to be telling you that when you don't know that from what I know about my last memory at home, unless you know that but I don't know that you know I'm the Flash when I don't know you know I'm the Flash.

Still.

I'm the fastest man alive. Sometimes you see me, sometimes you don't.

You're not seeing me this week because I am the FASTEST.

[ — at texting. ]

I am okay. Slightly disturbed you think you could get Kara, slightly petrified that you kind of like Kara. No offense to Kara because I think she can make anyone like her, but it's you. No offense to you. No disrespect. But it's you.

Not that you're a bad person or anything. It's just that she's rainbows and sunshine and you're ... rainy storm clouds and coal.

Please do not talk about me because Snart's probably going to tell you things that are FALSE.

Are you?

I thought Eobard was faster.

[He's not intentionally trying to diss you here but ... well, you know, he met Eobard. Eobard just seemed faster. And if he had to guess, he'd put his money on that guy.]

You can't be that fast if Chronos could take you down.

[Once again, bro, just stating facts.]

I'm not rainy storm clouds! Rain puts out fire! Don't associate me with wet things, I hate water, I hate cold, I ain't any of that. I'm like a sunny beach with angry seagulls surrounding it.

And Snart doesn't lie when it comes to important info.

Like you being crippled and unable to move.

Hey, sunny beach with angry seagulls surrounding it — that's awfully descriptive.

[ barry's a little distracted by mick's prose, give him a second to unpack what mick's telling him. ]

[ he knows thawne. barry feels like he's working in the writer's room for back to the future, trying to figure out how all the time travelling subplots come together to form the big, overarching one. of course mick's with snart on his time travelling adventures, but he hadn't quite grasped thawne was along for the ride as well. it'll always make him angry that he's still living, regardless if it's him or a time remnant. it's not fair for him to continue to breathe air while those who he has killed are permanently gone. ]

I'm FINE.

And Thawne isn't faster than me. He's not even close to being anything like me.

How do you even KNOW him? Did Snart tell you what I said?

Cause a beach is too nice and warm, it's inviting. You know what keeps a beach from being inviting? Fucking seagulls. They steal your food, they make a lot noise, they trash everything - I'm a beach but only if it's full of those annoying fuckers.

[Mick Rory will also steal your food, make a lot of noise and trash everything.

It's pretty much his philosophy on life as a way to live by because he's pretty happy and he thinks it's mostly down to that. Seagulls always seem pretty happy too.]

I'm just saying, he'd knocked me on my ass before I saw him coming and I always see you coming. Not that I'm taking his side. If you're faster, good. He's a smug little cockweasel, you should hurry up and get rid of him.

I met him. He bashed my head.

And maybe, I don't know, Snart tells me a lot. What did he tell you?

[ the amount of thought mick's given this beach scenario is oddly surprising. the surprise is partly born from the fact that barry's never quite believed mick's much of a talker. it's also born from the fact that mick's describing a scenario barry understands — sometimes he just wants to be a beach, nice and warm and inviting, and have angry, territorial seagulls ready to strike anyone who thinks to threaten his contentment. ]

You don't ALWAYS see me coming ...

[ if they were standing face to face, barry would have his head down, hand scratching at his neck, and voice oddly quiet for such a declaration. the thing about barry is that he doesn't hide, and perhaps that'll always be his problem — he wears that hero badge loud and proud, especially in the manner he holds himself. ]

[ he's not so sure how to take mick being anti-eobard thawne. he hates that he actually likes it. does that make him a bad person? ]

How much do you know about Thawne? Thawne and me?

So?

You don't always see me something either. Doesn't make me a super hero or someone with skills. Any idiot can sneak up on someone.

[Except Ray. Ray tried it a few times, always got himself hurt or tangled up in something. Last time it was Mick's drum set. The art of sneaking up on someone was not really a thing to brag about, it was a thing cats learned to do when stalking birds - not exactly high tier.]

I dunno loads about Thawne. I know he's a speedster,
he has a yellow suit, he's blond and he hit me across the head cause I tricked him.

He's a total dick, I really want to torch his ass.

I am an idiot, though.

[ like, for real, mick. barry is self-aware. ]

[ it shouldn't surprise him thawne's gone out of his way to continue smearing his lovely reputation over the multiverse. to piss off mick is like pissing off the sun, where the sun doesn't have arms but its anger can burn and make skin bubble. he doesn't feel sorry for thawne having pissed off the greatest hothead in the universe, but he worries just a little for snart's partner. ]

I shouldn't condone torching people's asses because that's WRONG and AGAINST THE LAW ...
But as the Flash I could turn the other way.

OMG please delete that text because I CANNOT be seen condoning violence.
It goes against my schtick.
And then it'd make it confusing every time I tell you not to do something, because if I tell you not to do something am I winking secretly for you to actually DO it?
God I'm confusing even myself, we've got to stop this.

NO TORCHING ANYONE.

But be careful with Thawne.
He's thorny.
And a massive jerk. He thinks he's funny but no one LOLs???

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