accelerate | ( ENTRANCEWAY INBOX )

[ unfortunately for barry, he can't quite confirm whether or not the consequences of the particle explosion had been immediate. knocked out cold for nine long months, he hadn't even had an inkling anything had changed — from his genetic makeup to his lightning struck abs. ]

[ when he feels the weight and warmth of her hand on his, barry looks at her from the corner of his eye before turning his head. if iris west doesn't think there's anything to truly worry about, he has to believe in it. barry's a skewed mess of uncertainties and not being able to even read himself — an explosion of any kind — good matter, bad matter, even lady gaga songs — isn't something he should be taking lightly. not after the "contained" particle accelerator explosion that had sent him into the speed force, not after learning some metas who they dubbed as evil were simply trying to live with their abilities and were as confused as he was hours after waking up from his coma. it's not a good and reliable practice, and barry's beginning to learn the world isn't so black and white. ]

[ it doesn't sit well with him, regardless. an explosion of dark matter had created him and the reverse-flash, and so it's hard for him to let anyone, regardless of their knowledge-base and their experiences with said explosions and matters, calm his own worries. but iris isn't just anyone. ]

[ he looks back at her laptop. ] If you really think it's not like the particle accelerator …

[ it's all he can really believe in: iris west and her own investigative skills. all barry wants to do is save everyone, and iris is often that voice that tells him whether or not he should let someone rescue themselves. ]

[ twisting his body away from the chair, his hand remains under hers while he throws his other over his shoulder. it's a slight joke, but it scarily holds some truth to it. ] I'm still going to leave the window open to jump out of if it's worse than what they're telling us. Who knows what this aether's going to do to my speed or you.

[ iris would love to assuage his fears, but they're too valid to dismiss.

moreover, she really does believe that fear can be a good and healthy thing — to a degree. it shouldn't paralyze them when they need to act. it shouldn't keep them from what's important. but fear can also let them know what risks are worth taking. fear kicks their survival instincts into gear, and that's what keeps them going when every other fiber of their being wants to lay down and call it quits. fear is what makes them push a little harder.

(iris isn't scared of dark matter. she's scared of time, even if she doesn't know it.) ]

We can jump now.

[ what? it would hardly be the first time. ]

We can stay outside until we know more, or check on everyone in the other floors. [ it'll be better than pacing a hole into the room. ]

[ if he's not sitting at one end of the spectrum, it's the other. there's hardly any in-between with barry allen; it's either the north pole or the south pole, never meeting in the middle — either he's confident or he's insecure, and right now he's severely lacking in the former. ]

[ the speed force had instilled a confidence within him he no longer feels. with each passing minute he spends in wonderland instead of in 2000, changing history, saving mom, saving dad from a fate that wasn't fair, he begins to doubt himself. ]

[ he begins to doubt his impromptu plan to go back and save mom. he begins to doubt himself as a speedster, as a son, a friend, a hero, a person. is staying in her room when a dark matter is crawling through the corridors smart? barry's not so sure; thawne being present in wonderland has thrown him askew. the entire premise of his stay here is beginning to eat at him the longer he remains quiet and stuck in his own head. ]

[ alice had once said there was no use in going back to yesterday, considering she was a different person then. barry's finding he isn't so sure who he was yesterday or the day before that, or who he'll be tomorrow. but he knows who he is when he's with iris, and although that's almost akin to a bumbling idiot who doesn't quite know if he wants to go left or right, he finds himself more grounded than he'd been in his room. he could've run out of it, but he'd stayed in fear of losing his speed and his chance to continue his heroics and also save mom. ]

[ moving his hand from beneath hers, he lets them curl around the back of her chair. leaning backward and on the balls of his heels, barry glances over his shoulder, surveying her room, the patterns of her bed and the walls, and then looks to the window. ]

[ it'd be smart to jump. but it'd also be smart to stay. ]

Maybe we should … stay here. For an hour, maybe? Then we can take a leap of faith.

[ iris places both of her hands on her lap. she studies him as he appraises every inch of her room. she almost doesn't know if he's looking for signs of danger or somewhere he can run toward that will finally show him the way. they've grown up alongside one another, as family and as best friends, but iris also knows there's a part of barry that's never left the living room where his mother was killed. she doesn't know if it's a part that he's ever getting back.

she's played along, so far. they've had extravagant feasts and they've explored wonderland to their heart's content. there's been laughter and word associations, even if she can sense that he's so far from happy that he's likely almost forgotten what that feels like. she's never not going to support him being the flash. she's never not going to try and give him the space and the diversion that he needs.

but she also doesn't want all of these things to come at the expense of barry himself.

she doesn't want barry to successfully tear himself apart in his grief and his doubt. while she acknowledges what he has suggested, and quietly agrees to wait until he's ready to leave this room, she's also regarding him with open eyes and: ]

Barry, when was the last time you even slept?

[ it's probably smarter to make a break for it now, just in case iris west's room also becomes a victim of dark matter. barry's pretty sure his room will be — all horrible things happen around him, and he thinks it'd be the icing on the cake, his room swallowed up by another worldly dark matter. even though earth-two bartholomew allen hadn't been touched at all by the dark matter, rendering him a human instead of the flash, it still affected his life a great deal. regardless of how fast he runs, he'll never escape what made him who he is. ]

[ looking down at her, barry blinks, and doesn't quite react quick enough. for a moment it's as though she's asked him a question that he doesn't know the answer to, or can't quite make out the meaning of. but his brows pull together and he smiles, playing it off, as he shakes his head and responds with an easy: ]

The other night.

[ it's not a lie. lying in bed and drifting off for a few moments — minutes, perhaps even hours — before waking up means he slept. it's how it's been for a long while now. barry sometimes drifts off in his lab when there's no meta to fight and all his cases have been completed for the day. there's always been a slight crick in his neck from lying back on his chair, or even dropping his head on his desk until he's awoken by a loud bang or from a nightmare. ]

[ but he's slept. lifting a hand to his face, he drags it down his cheek, as though he can feel whether or not he looks tired enough to prompt her question. ]

I'm fine, Iris. I don't need to sleep. I've slept enough.

[ she knows what he needs.

iris knows exactly what she'd do if circumstance allowed it: she'd reach out to henry, but henry is gone. she can't give him his parents back. she can't take away the hurting. she'll worry regardless, though. she doesn't find it necessary to hide the fact. he's been playing things off since day one. this is probably the answer she was expecting. she fights the sadness off her smile, reminding herself there's always tomorrow to try again.

barry allen isn't the only one who has to try. ]

Okay.

[ she closes her laptop. there haven't been new replies to dr. foster's post, as of yet, but she'll keep checking. ]

What should we do in the meantime?

[ the person barry honestly needs is right here with him. and the other back in central city, possibly making sure wally doesn't get himself sentenced to a beheading. ]

[ it's a thought that sometimes takes a long while to burrow itself inside of his head and grow roots. there are moments where barry wonders where he still fits in with the wests, no longer the surrogate son figure for joe now that wally's entered the picture. a part of him is resentful — it's human nature to fear being replaced, and barry is a meta-human — but mostly, he thinks himself to be lucky. ]

[ barry had been fortunate enough to know a man who took him under his wing for fifteen long years and treated him as his own. but even with that in mind, barry still doesn't feel whole. joe's not his father, not by blood, and a part of him, a small, vindictive slice of him that hates himself, doesn't believe he should ever be joe's problem. ]

[ but barry doesn't tell iris any of this. losing henry has only reminded him of the burden he had been to her family, even if they may repeatedly inform him otherwise. ]

[ glancing around her room, his gaze sweeps along her floor. iris is his best friend, and though he's chased after her with her insane ideas, wanting to fly, to be a hero, to go on adventures of their own making, he supposes it's only fair he returns the favour by making her come along with one of his. expression pinching purposefully in thought, it may be obvious to iris he's thinking of something slightly mischievous and none too serious. ]

We could always play a game of croquet?

[ iris gives him a look, caught between amusement and seriously?

thing is, if she could close her eyes and immediately change the landscape of her room to make this croquet game possible, she would. barry was never a burden. the second joe brought him home, the second barry took the hand iris was offering him, the pieces clicked right into place. barry turned their household into a home again. wally's presence could never replace him. after all, barry has never been her brother, in spite of what some people like to say.

but he is family. ]

Oh, we're playing a game, all right.

[ just not the one he has in mind. they did agree to a word association rematch, didn't they? iris plops down onto the floor, crossing her legs until she's seated in a lotus position, and looks up at him expectantly. yes, she expects him to join her and play along. ]

Croquet.

[ he waits patiently for her room to transform into a croquet ground. and by patiently, it's barry glancing around, eyebrow arched, waiting and waiting — ]

[ she's sitting on the ground, and of course he follows, but not without furrowing his brows in confusion beforehand. with his long legs, he easily folds them beneath him, and he could easily touch his knees to hers if he was to unfold them just a little. wrapping his fingers around his ankles, he almost rolls all the way back to plant his spine on the ground, but remains upright. ]

[ looking at her, he arches his brow. ]

Where?

[ iris fights the smile that threatens to tug widely on her lips. he's so tall and lanky, all limbs and constant motion. she shifts, one of her knees pressing to his without meaning to. elbows propped on her legs, she leans forward, considering. and very quickly makes up her mind: ]

Gardens.

[ iris loves the gardens, and there's enough space near its lawns to play. she loves walking past the water lilies and the neatly-trimmed hedges, the vibrant orchards and lush fruits. the colors are so bold she's not sure they exist elsewhere. ]

Edited 2016-07-01 04:52 (UTC)

[ barry nods his head, determined to win this game once more. though he's a rambler and likes to go on tangents to see what makes her laugh and what makes her frown (and then what makes that frown disappear completely), the first and only game they've had thus far had been fun. ]

[ there's something about it that makes him feel closer to iris, and it's not because she's leaning toward him while he's remaining as straight as a beanpole. ]

[ he smiles, and almost rocks excitedly, but stops himself the moment he begins to. he has to stay focused and still. ]

Date.

[ or "it's a —" but not really. barry tries to brush it off by pulling one of his shoes off (the pair she's wished for him) and throwing it over his shoulder. ]

[ he's so confusing, this one.

(she and patty had joked about it lightly, once. patty had wanted to figure barry out, like he was a code she could crack.)

iris straightens in place as he takes his shoe off, recognizing the pair at once.

she'd warred with herself, but only briefly, on whether she should write something on them or not. in the end, she chose to scribble on a small corner, so no one but barry would notice. a reminder people still believe in the flash, and so does she. no matter the walls he places. ]

Yeah? [ he's not serious. she knows that. she does. ]

[ he's letting his foot hover over so many land mines as of late. with thawne, with iris — he's not so sure if he's stepped on one yet, but he has a feeling he's about to. ]

[ despite wanting to be fast, to live off the adrenaline rush of being here free from his grief and most of the reminders of his own failure to protect his dad, he can't. when iris is concerned, he moves as slow as a sloth, dragging himself comically across the road and hoping no car hits him during his journey. ]

[ he looks up at her, and thinks to repeat it back to her. yeah, a date, but barry doesn't allow himself to. what he wants more than anything is to have iris in the way she wants to give herself to him, but barry knows he's not ready. he's not that person she needs him to be — and he's not the person he wants to be for her. ]

[ he nods his head once, a small tilt of it, and thinks to repeat her word back to her. but that's slightly cheating, and barry, though he wants to catch himself in a snare right now, leaps over it. ]

[ he should say yes, he should say yes, he should say — ]

Soon?

[ a gentle shake of her head. ]

Slow.

[ poor timing aside, iris suggested they take a chance on each other for several reasons. one, she was (finally!) ready to see if there was really something between them, independent of the future and the markings of destiny. two, she wanted to remind him new beginnings were possible, when everything else has fallen apart; ended. but barry hadn't needed hope. he'd needed his mother. if iris knew what he'd planned on doing, what he plans on doing still, soon or slow would become irrelevant.

but she doesn't, and she would never rush or force his hand.

there is no rush, barry-the-flash.

not with her. ]

[ only where iris counts is he so painfully slow. barry lost his chance to possibly turn things toward him, to open her eyes to him standing nose to nose with her. but he wants to believe fate hadn't wanted it to happen yet. maybe they weren't ready for each other then. maybe he wasn't the person he needed to be — for her and for himself — and maybe she wasn't the person she needed to be for him or for herself. ]

[ ever since learning of his fate of becoming the flash, it perhaps a fixed point on this earth, barry's been thinking more and more about what's been laid out for him and what's his to create for his own. and he thinks that he's always been destined to be in iris west's life — and hopefully with a hyphen. ]

[ he glances down for a moment, and when he picks his head up, he looks slightly apologetic, but tries not to let the mood shift too much. ]

[ he thinks to say sorry, but he doesn't want her to feel bad. ]

Poke.

Tickle?

[ it's the first word that comes to mind.

iris doesn't want to make things too heavy for him. barry has enough reasons to be upset lately. she doesn't want to add another reason to the stacked plate. besides, this is the perfect opportunity to remind him that she knows all his ticklish spots.

and she's not afraid to use that weakness when necessary. ]

[ he shoots straight up from his slouched posture, almost rocking back to fall against the floor. his arms are straight and almost stiff, hands curled around his ankles as he tries to lean innocently away from her. ]

No!

[ he shakes his head, and throws his hands up, palms up and facing her as though that'll be enough to stop her train of thought. but barry knows iris better than he understands himself, and if he tells her no, she's going to disregard it. ]

[ it's been one of the many things he's admired about her. it's also the one thing that scares him most. ]

Edited 2016-07-02 02:41 (UTC)

Easy.

[ easy there, barry.

she's not tickling him ~~— yet?????~~

it's hardly as much fun when he's expecting it, but his reaction is enough to make her snort. the fastest man in the world, the hero who can stop bullets and evil meta-humans, is scared of the tickle monster. now there's a piece she wishes she could write for the ccpn. ]

[ he narrows his eyes in suspicion toward her. eyeing her hand, barry doesn't even think to tap into his abilities and streak across the room. ]

[ he loves being the flash. the adrenaline rush is addictive, and the way the world blurs around him is mesmerising in itself. but sometimes barry likes being barry. ]

[ but he settles at her snort, and smiles. ]

Cute.

[ she catches that suspicion.

it's iris' turn to throw her hands up, letting him know that she means no harm. ~~for now!!!~~ her hands only lower until he settles once more, a smirk twitching at her lips. (also no, iris, you can't say puppies again. that's cheating).

so: ]

Plushies!

[ what? they're adorable. ]

[ slouching again, he rests his pointy elbows on his thighs and leans toward her. glancing up at her, he rests his chin on the back of his hands and studies her for a moment. ]

[ if he thinks too hard about this, he'd realise this is, perhaps, the first time in a long time he's had a moment to spend with iris that hasn't been tainted by a meta-human or his need to run away. if anything, he's relaxed enough to literally lean in toward her and dig his feet into the ground. ]

[ he shakes his head with a smile. ]

Bear.

[ omg bear plushies.

but also, iris and joe call him 'bar' a lot, which sounds a lot like bear. it makes her smile wide, her own elbows digging into her knees as she leans forward. iris steeples her fingers and presses them to her bottom lip in thought. she has think quick here. she's the writer!

she can't lose again. ]

Hug.

[ she's the creative writer and he's the one who either thinks quick or acts impulsively. they're quite the pair, given she slows him down and he either inspires or breaks her pencils. ]

[ he simply watches her, and doesn't rush to think up a response. she looks more serious than she had over the video when they'd done this days ago, and he can't quite say he doesn't like it. ]

Want?

[ la la la neatly avoiding those landmines.

but also, she is thinking hard. she is determined to beat him this time around, even if she has to stay up all night to do it. ]

Wish?

[ when you wish upon a star~ ]

[ the thing about barry is that he can step on a landmine and there's a very high chance he will be able to outrun the explosion. ]

[ iris dodges, but barry thinks to press his foot firmly against that little ditch in the ground. it'd been her who had opened the gates to where they could be, and he'd been the one to loop his arm through hers to pull her along before he'd dropped her off and taken another road entirely. ]

[ he doesn't even know what he's doing, but barry knows it's bound to be stupid. he simply looks at her and doesn't change his expression, even though his heart's pounding in his chest and his instincts are telling him to bolt. ]

Yes.

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