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[In the wake of this.]

[Cisco is frozen to the spot for several incredibly long minutes as he tries to process what just happened. This is what he gets-- for not paying closer attention, for trusting someone over these stupid networks, for speaking up at all. He's roughly 99.9% sure his assumption isn't wrong. Something, especially in those final words, just struck him too hard, too deep, for it to be wrong.

But he doesn't know. He doesn't have definitive proof yet. Maybe he's wrong. Maybe it's a doppelganger. Maybe it's someone from another world entirely that just has the unfortunate facetwin thing going on.

But probably...he is. Right. And Cisco doesn't know how to handle that at all right now. He fumbles for the phone and waits for Barry to pick up.]

[ for most of the last hour, barry's been trying to drown himself in the pool. technically he's been attempting to push himself really hard and fast and get faster, fast enough to break the barrier of wonderland's magic and find himself back home (and then back in wonderland so he can scoop up all his friends and head back to central city. it's a great plan, really. ]

[ idiot proof.) ]

[ good thing for barry his phone's become magically waterproof. he's sped away to his room with a hairdryer, trying to dry off the rest of his clothes (when he could really just run and dry them off) when his phone buzzes. ]

[ uncoordinated as always, the dryer's going as he holds it down toward his leg and picks up his phone. ]

Cisco? Hey, man. What's up?

[ more often than not, barry would pick up his phone when cisco calls and be in the middle of a conversation as a way of initiating a thought starter with him, but with the appearance of eobard thawne's time remanent in wonderland, he's feeling incredibly off-kilter. ]

[ hence him projecting his voice when he could just turn off the hairdryer. ]

[The sound of the hairdryer is sudden and loud in his ear, but it's nothing compared to the sound of his own heartbeat thudding hard against his chest.]

Barry-- [The panicked note in his voice is probably more than enough to get the speedster's attention. This isn't just a social call, something's wrong.] I think Thawne is here. I think I just had like a thirty minute conversation with him without knowing and I-I'm freaking out. Can you just-- I don't know. I just... [Saying it, admitting it out loud makes the panic set deeper into his bones, rise further in his chest to grip him like a vice and makes it hard to breathe. Oh, right. This is probably a panic attack. Shit, how do you breathe again? It's definitely not in tight, quick bursts like he's doing right now.]

[ there's an audible crash on barry's end. rather than turn off the hairdryer, he throws it at super-speed at his wall — a little too fast for anyone's liking — and there's now a dent in the plaster and a broken hairdryer on his floor. one day he'll learn how to turn off the electronics when he's about to step into flash mode. ]

[ his voice sounds concerned and also pushy, ] Where are you?

[ and the second cisco says anything, he'll hear a crackle of electricity and the phone plonk on the ground as barry runs. ]

My room-- [There's the familiar crackle of electricity and a soft thud and the call may as well be dead because Barry's gone. He cuts the call on his own device and tosses it back on the table.

He's done no more than that when the door flings open in a rush of red and gold, slamming shut with the force of Barry now standing in his living room.

Cisco looks...shaken. He's still processing the idea of having to deal with this. But he doesn't bother waiting for Barry to ask what happened, instead he just explains it straight out of the gate. He's not quite looking at Barry, fingers twisting together in his lap as he speaks, voice soft, breaths still a little too quick.

But at least this gives him something to focus on. Words. Explaining it to Barry. It's better than losing himself to his own head.]

It was just on the network, he didn't do anything, but... [He slowly looks up at Barry, shrugging one shoulder and looking kind of helpless just then.] What am I supposed to do?

[ barry has no time to catch his breath. skidding into cisco's room, he at least shuts it behind himself before he comes into full view. the crackling electricity falls from him like water, and his shoes, the ones iris had gifted him, don't even smoke. ]

[ he approaches cisco, hands in his pockets, and sits beside him. he pulls them out and clasps them in his lap. ]

I wish I knew, Cisco. [ he shakes his head, shoulders lifting. for the person who's meant to have some of the answers, he doesn't have these ones. eobard thawne's his problem, as it's been made abundantly clear with his tunnel vision always leading him straight to barry. it's always eaten away inside of him how it's become everyone else's, too. ]

But he's not the Thawne you knew, or the one who knows you. He's before then — Thawne's time remnant doesn't know anything about what happens to him when it comes to you. [ he does know he "dies", which is barry's blabber mouth fault. he remembers what it had felt like to see thawne and be taken by surprise, and he suspects that disbelief and rage he'd been consumed with is similar to the despair and betrayal cisco's sifting through right now. ]

You've got power in this.

[He frowns a little at this information. He hadn't considered this possibility.] He's not the same one? [He's pretty sure that doesn't really change anything. Because Cisco still knows. He still remembers.

He scoffs a little at that and shakes his head.] Doesn't feel like it.

He hasn't … [ barry folds his fingers tightly into the spaces between them in order to ground himself and get a grip. he wonders if future him will ever be over it, ever be able to say what happened in that living room that night in 2000. ]

[ with dad gone, it still feels so fresh. he still doesn't know how to say he hasn't killed my mom yet. ]

[ with a deep breath in, barry looks up from his hands and turns to cisco. it's so much easier to be outside of that living room when he thinks about how this thawne may gloat of knowing him, studying him as though he's some character from star wars barry gets excited about, but he still doesn't know. time is malleable, it can change. thawne taught him that when he was eleven years old. ]

He doesn't know he comes to the past and he gets stuck. He doesn't know who he is to you, or who you become to him. He hasn't lived it yet. We've got something over him, Cisco.

[He lets that sink in for a moment and tries to find the comfort in it. And there is, some, but it's small and it doesn't stop the vague ache in his chest that he has to stop himself from reaching up to soothe because it isn't real. His fingers curl into a fist against his leg instead.]

Good. Then...we don't let him know anything. Never give him that advantage. [He nods, determined, but he can't hide how unnerved he still is about all of this.]

[ if he knows anything, it's putting a plan into action and literally running with it. he knows how to be stubborn, how to not let anyone even knick his stone wall and draw blood from him. it'd frustrated thawne during their own conversation, and he supposes it's what had kept him safe for years before thawne had figured out his name. ]

[ it's all assumptions, though. barry hates how he has nothing solid to work with, but all he has is what he knows about thawne. he'll never stop chasing him. what barry needs to learn is how to navigate him away from those he cares about. ]

[ barry nods. ] We don't. We don't give him that advantage over you. He's no longer in control.

[He nods, but he's silent this time. There isn't really much for him to contribute. It's the only thing like a plan they can even have at this point. It's the only thing they have going for them.

But as much as Cisco can be the bright swell of hope for his friends when they need it? He can't be that for himself. Already, he's thinking of different ways this could fall apart. What if there was some Event that forced his hand, forced his words, made it impossible to lie or avoid handing out secrets? What if Thawne tricked him somehow, one day? What if there was some kind of ultimatum between keeping the secrets or losing the life of one of his friends? There were so many maybes and what if's, and he doesn't know how to make them stop.]

I just hope he doesn't catch me off-guard one day. Even if he won't know why, or reasons...he'll see the affect he has on me. [Because Cisco is painfully aware how unschooled his face and eyes can be, in any given moment, they're his biggest give away.]

Maybe the Flash should be number one on your speed dial.

[ he cracks a small smile. ]

[ it's a brilliant plan in theory, but possibly a poor one in execution. barry doesn't think to state that, though. as honest as he is with cisco, there's some things he needs to keep to himself, such as the reason why he'd suspect a flash panic button is because the reverse-flash has to hate the flash more than anything in the universe. ]

[ he shrugs his shoulder, lips still curved upward as he says good-naturedly, ] You'll be okay, Cisco. If there's anyone I have faith in, it's you. You can do this.

Shame I don't have his number or something. [He quips back, nudging Barry's shoulder with his own.

The smile that comes next is a little softer, and a lot more genuine, as he looks up at Barry. Maybe one day, Cisco will see what his friends see in him, somehow.] Thanks, Barry.

[ barry smiles. at least the flash can still inspire some hope in the people who know him. being in wonderland's left him out of touch with central city's faith in him that's often grounded him, but he's found those who have met the flash still respond in a similar way. it makes him want to stay just a little longer, if only to see through his own attempt at reaching the mad hatter or having another great conversation with alice. ]

Anytime. [ then he looks at cisco, face turning serious. ] Not that the Flash plays favourites, but I think I heard he likes you. Or maybe he just likes the city San Francisco. [ he shrugs his shoulders, pulling a face. ] Dude isn't great at holding lengthy conversations.

Lucky me. [He laughs softly at the comment and shakes his head a little. Cisco's not sure how he manages it, but Barry has a way of always managing to make him see the potential good in things, no matter how dark his own view and thoughts might try to make it.

Even here, now, in light of the man--proper version or not--who killed him in another timeline being a real person in this place, he's smiling. And he isn't in the process of falling into panic attacks. And it's all because of Barry. Because Barry cares enough to make him calm down and to distract him and make jokes and give him hope.

He smirks a little and nods.] I know, it's like he's always in a rush or something.

[ it all knuckles down to one very important thing: barry allen believes the impossible is possible. ]

[ he takes it as a personal challenge to showcase what's impossible, running at fast speeds with an intensity that can easily let him phase through the most dense of obstacles. perhaps that's why the lightning bolt had chosen him. barry allen doesn't give up, even when he's on the cusp of giving up on himself. ]

[ it'd be plenty easy to right now. zoom's taken his hope for a better life with dad away from him. thawne's a consistent reminder he has no control over anything, and that he'd been the reason why his mother had died in the first place. but barry refuses to let thawne win. ]

[ perhaps that's why the flash has always outsmarted the reverse-flash. his faith gives him a speed nothing else could — aside from friendship. ]

Dude, what's up with that? [ he laughs lightly. ] Last time I was at Jitters I had my coffee in hand and then it disappeared. Who goes around taking people's coffees like that?

[He tilts his head, amused disbelief spilling easily across his face as he holds up one hand, in a 'pause on this joke' sort of way.]

Barry, are you telling me you stole your own coffee?

[ he lifts his shoulders, mouth opening much like a fish's. ] In my defense, I ordered it, then I had to run. Literally. [ when will those lame jokes ever get old? pressing a hand to his chest, he looks so guilty at having stolen his own coffee. ] So I came back and … took it.

I really hope the barista didn't think the Flash was a thief. It was kind of my coffee?

[He can't help it, it just kind of bubbles out and he's leaning over his knees, laughing into his hands. It's ridiculous, really, and not even that funny, but call it mood swing from his earlier panic, call it whatever you want. He needed it, either way.]

I would say at least if coffee is the only thing the Flash is stealing, people can't be too fussed, but you don't mess with a person's coffee. [Coffee is srsbizns, mmkay?] But I don't think it counts when you steal from yourself. Is there even a legal term for that?

[ when he lifts his shoulder, he holds it there, uncertain. ] Is it theft? Did I steal from myself? Is this like when Eduardo fed the chicken chicken in The Social Network, but instead of being blasted for animal cruelty, I'm going to be remembered as the loser who stole from himself even though I didn't technically steal?

[ he releases all that tension with a slouch and a very sane conclusion. he shakes his head, ] I can't let the Flash be known as a coffee thief. I think Barry Allen just needs to stop drinking coffee.

I don't know. You can plagiarize yourself, so I guess you could technically steal from yourself? [He squints. This conversation has really taken a turn for the ridiculous. He's not sure how they manage to do this as often as they do.]

I think that would be a very unfortunate thing to do and you should do no such thing.

So we agree that Barry Allen should continue drinking coffee. [ he presses his index finger and thumb against his chin, pretending to think for a moment. the fact is, though, he's always had this thought in his head, long before cisco ever entered wonderland, long before barry allen had ever stepped foot down that rabbit hole. ] But maybe Cisco Ramon has to accompany him. Save him from coffee thieves.

I think this is a doable plan. [He nods with a grin. He missed this, the lighter things, the easier sides of life. Things were so much what they were at home that these moments were rare, and that much more of a cherished treasure for Cisco. Even if this moment in particular had been originally born from something less than good, he can appreciate it all the same.]

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🐻 12/12/16 | texts

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