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[ if the sudden appearance of barry's suspiciously evil smile elicits trepidation within stefan, then it's a job well done. ] Can I hear it?

[ quickly, he adds: ] For science.

Absolutely not. [He does, however, hold up a finger as he finally gets up to grab them coffee.] There are some things we were never meant to listen to.

If you're that curious, I'm sure there's a recording in the library.

Not of a teal deer named Stefan.

[ whatever! he'll go listen to the recording, perfect the sound, then tease stefan mercilessly with it later. it's all for science, anyway. but stefan's up and off, and barry considers that case (temporarily) closed. when stefan comes back with the coffee, he taps his fingers restlessly against the top of it before he stops himself. ]

Did you find the event helped you? With the memory thing. Sorry if it's not something you talk about, I just figured maybe Wonderland would help.

[How had Barry known about the amnesia - right, Stefan had said as much during the mindscape. He slides the coffee in Barry's direction, along with a few sugar packets and a coffee stirrer just in case it wasn't sweet enough.]

Oh. Kind of? But only because I was paired up with - ["my brother and my ex-girlfriend"] people from my world.

I don't mind talking about the memory thing, but it can get a little weird. 'Cause, uh, the way it happened wasn't normal. Or scientific, if I'm gonna be honest with you.

[Which he wants to be, because he likes this guy already, and for all he knows, he might've grown used to magic thanks to the weird that is Wonderland.]

[ barry's learned everything's scientific, or just incredibly fantastical. being struck by lighting and the particle accelerator's dark matter had turned him into the man he is today, and the person thawne loathes so much in the future. it's partly science, but barry likes to also think it's something beyond the scope of man's understanding. ]

[ ripping open a sugar packet, he tips it into his coffee, then grabs another. it's on the third that he tears it then stops himself. he can have all the sugar he wants in the world and it won't impact him, but when he's with someone who doesn't quite know his special dietary needs, it leaves them with the impression he's incredibly weird — and perhaps not in a good way. he tips that last pack in and then places it on top of his small pile of empty papers. ]

[ combing through what stefan's said, there's a few things in there: people from his world are here, the situation with his amnesia isn't something you'd explain as "i got hit in the head and couldn't remember beyonce", and maybe he wants to talk about it with someone who's got an open mind. ]

[ his brows pull together. ] Is that not a good thing? Being paired up with people you know. [ he begins to stir his coffee slowly. ] The amnesia thing can't be good; it'd suck. Unless you didn't remember them?

[Those are loaded questions. Stefan furrows his brow as he gathers his thoughts together. On one hand, he feels he can trust Barry with the weird, fantastical truth of his supernaturally-induced amnesia. On the other, what were the odds that this guy would know anyone from Elena's or Damon's social circle?

Incredibly low, he decides. So impossibly low that if it backfires on him, he can at least say that he was honest about how he felt.]

It should've been, yeah. [Stefan blows on his coffee out of habit, rather than any desire for it to cool down. He can handle the heat, for one, and he sure doesn't use it to keep himself stimulated.] Problem is, I haven't exactly been talking to them.

The amnesia thing sucks, but their ideas of jogging my memory sucked even more.

[ he picks up those sugar packets and begins to tear one. ] Oh.

[ out of all the amazing and dreadful things he's experienced, barry can't say amnesia is one of them. no one on his team has had their memory wiped, and he sure hasn't, even though his time in earth-2 is close to it. (but posing as his doppelgänger doesn't really count, at the end of the day. two different lives, intertwining temporarily. he never had any business being there.) ]

[ all he can relate to is being out of place. waking up after nine months to the world shifting beneath his feet had been difficult to adjust to, even for someone as quick as him. ]

Is the jogging actually helping? I've heard sometimes that even though it's rough, the whole process and even what people are using to trigger the memories, that sometimes it works.

[He shakes his head.] Normally, I think it would — but my circumstances were a little different.

I know this is gonna sound hard to believe, but uh, a witch scrambled my brain. I know pop culture, and the current President, and bits and pieces of basic Latin. If I try to remember anything about me, though? It's white noise, like I've switched to the wrong channel.

[He braces himself for an incoming rejection, that maybe this is too hard to believe. Even after experiencing something as weird as the mindscape. Even after knowing that Wonderland runs on magic and memories. Even after deciding to tell him the truth.

The ball is in Barry's court now, and only he can decide what he's going to do with that knowledge.]

[ ... huh. ]

[ when he'd been struck by lightning and had lost nine months, he'd felt all out of sorts. who was he now, nine months later? who would he have been if he hadn't lost all that time? eventually barry had found his place in the world again, albeit he didn't slot right back into the space where he'd left it. that had been easy to do, with the help of his friends and family and newfound team at star labs. ]

[ losing everything he knew about himself? not being able to recollect anything about who he was? barry doesn't know what he'd do if he ever lost those memories with mom and dad. ]

You only know your name is Stefan. And the people who are from your home who are here? [ or had they just introduced themselves? barry doesn't try to throw too many ideas out there, even though his brain can catch them all. ] That's definitely not normal amnesia, dude. I had serious disorientation when I woke up from my coma, but I still knew who I was and that Beyoncé was the best artist of all time. [ he shakes his head in disbelief. ]

You're not from a normal world where only normal things happen to normal people, are you?

I know a little more than that. I know my name and I know I have an older brother, along with a scary amount of people from my hometown, here in Wonderland. I don't know how I'm connected to them. [He shifts a little in his seat, growing far more restless than usual as he struggles to maintain eye contact.] My brother gave me a rundown when I first came here. It doesn't answer everything, let alone where I really stand with these people.

[Wait, hold up. Barry was in a coma? That definitely doesn't sound normal. One thing at a time, though — and he should address the question at hand. (He's so going to follow up on that later. Hopefully sooner than later, though.)]

No, I'm not — though I wish I were. [The admission is a guilty one. He can't even look Barry in the eye right now, instead peering into their mugs and at the daylight ring around his finger.] It certainly would've made things easier.

Neither am I. [ and barry doesn't say it with a downturned curve to his mouth. he says it with a familiarity, an acceptance of it, as one would when speaking of something completely normal within their world — like water being wet, belly burgers being so good even when the world's falling down around you. ]

So the whole witch thing is literal ... [ he nods his head, accepting that. he looks at stefan and clarifies with a shrug: ] Some people have claimed witches made them do things, or that so-and-so's a witch. I work at the police department, so I've kind of heard it all. I once told Joe leprechauns stole the cookie from the cookie jar. Can't say he didn't believe me, it seemed pretty legit.

[ no, it didn't, but it's supposed to ease any tension. barry's been on the receiving end of it all, and though relating it back to his time at ccpd may not give anyone who's used to the supernatural any confidence he can relate, it opens the doors to it. ]

What did you do to piss off a witch?

Incredibly literal. [Stefan laughs - so, mission accomplished. He relaxes completely, allowing himself a sip of his coffee at long last.] All I did was exist.

See, I'm an identical carbon copy of her long lost love, Silas. Except Silas went off the deep end and abandoned her, so she decided hey, I'm a close second. I don't need my memory.

[He grimaces at the memory - Tessa had practically draped herself around him, as if he were a consolation prize.]

So bam. I got mind-linked to her insane ex, and now, theoretically, I feel everything he does. Theoretically, 'cause uh, he's not in Wonderland.

[ barry rests his elbow against the table, then his cheek in his hand. when he stares at stefan, it's with a rather dumb look on his face. he's immersed himself in the television shows where things become convoluted and intense as a result. he's lived intense stories in his own life, with eddie thawne's descendent loving and hating him so much he chose to impart his hero with a devastating void inside of him at the age of eleven. ]

[ it's strange that this story doesn't quite throw him. ]

Silas is your doppelgänger. [ his hand doesn't shift itself from his face, primarily because barry's too focused at processing this. eyes narrowing, he finds it's pretty easy: doppelgängers. alternate universes. hasn't he already done this tango? ] That's a little intense. And extreme. Very ... extreme ...

[ he lifts his head, eyes narrowing again as he gestures to stefan with a flick of his wrist. ] Why ... did she link you to him? Can he feel and think everything you do? Because that's ... If she wants you to be him, she could just, you know, not do the whole mind-link spell and date you as the person you are? [ his shoulders lift up at the end. ]

Edited (didn't finish my thought ...) 2017-01-20 23:12 (UTC)

[Sometimes, Stefan feels like his life is one giant soap opera. He's already a doppelgänger. His ex-girlfriends - both of them! - were doppelgängers too. His older brother was part of a love triangle with one of them. Technically, still is.]

The most extreme. [Stefan laughs, nervously rather than with any actual amusement. If he doesn't laugh, he feels like he would end up punching something. Or worse, crying over it later.] I couldn't tell you. For all I know, Silas can hear this entire conversation.

I think she wanted to date me as I was - like, the last thing I remember is her asking me out - but she also wanted to use me as collateral.

[Collateral for what, Stefan didn't know.]

I'm sorry, uh. It sounds super ridiculous when I say it all out loud.

[ barry leans across the table and speaks loudly, ] Kanye said Beyonce isn't the best artist of all time!

[ he settles back into his chair, appearing completely fine before he realises that wasn't exactly the most normal thing to do. with a shrug of his shoulders, he explains easily, ] Just in case he's listening ... Fact-checking. It might be all you need to make sure he's not mistaken as you. Everyone knows she's the best artist of all time. [ honestly, it's something he thinks he should invest with wells — a code-word, or him simply smiling. ]

[ crossing his arms against his chest, he narrows his eyes as he tries to process this — or act like he's processed it. within seconds barry's been able to comb through it and discern stefan needs to not go on any dates without the woman being severely investigated. ]

Is she here? This witch who wants to ask you out but also use you as collateral in some really weird game of chess? Is it chess? Can it be chess if there's more than two players? [ he shakes his head. ] I'm losing track here. If he's not here, shouldn't you be kind of getting your memories back? It's an alternate dimension. Maybe it's far enough away from your world that the magic's paper thin.

Edited 2017-01-22 10:34 (UTC)

[His new friend has a serious Beyoncé problem. Though, come to think of it? Stefan hasn't exactly been listening to her albums, so he makes a mental note to ask the closets for whatever would remedy this (newfound) gaping hole in his pop culture knowledge.]

Um, of course she is.

[Stefan's furrowed brow speaks for himself - is Beyoncé gonna be their codeword? Are they gonna have a secret handshake? - but he doesn't want to ask more.]

You'd think, but I haven't gotten anything back. Tessa isn't here either, so it's not like I can track her down for answers, and uh - I don't think I can ask anyone else from my world.

[Or so he says. Truth be told, he doesn't want to burden Bonnie with this kind of magic. He doesn't feel like it's right, knowing what killed her back home in Mystic Falls - undoing the spell could lead to similar consequences.]

It's a bad enough high school reunion without throwing my amnesia into the pot.

Michelle and Romy could've used some amnesia to make their movie a bit more interesting.

[ it's not the point, barry. although, he would've liked it if phoebe buffay had made an appearance. perhaps an amnesia plot would've been great in that film ... ]

[ again, not the point. ]

You probably have nothing to worry about. Wonderland's magic's pretty impenetrable, it won't let me — [ break it's magical barrier. ] Uh. It just won't let me find the Mad Hatter's room in this mansion. [ he shrugs his shoulders, shaking his head. ] If he's not doing the whole mind poking thing, then you're kind of safe. You can relearn everything about yourself at your own pace, without having to worry about your evil doppelgänger and his scorned ex-girlfriend.

[Note to self: figure out who Michelle and Romy are, and how they're related to high school reunions. Stefan's got a sneaky feeling that he had Strong Feelings, and those strong feelings eliminated that movie from his grasp of pop culture.

Or, he blinked and missed the 90s entirely. That's possible too.]

I sure hope not. They were weird enough the first time around. [He smiles, though, at the reassurance. Barry's good people, if he can take all of this in stride.] Also, wow, sorry. I didn't mean to overshare my entire life story back there.

I mean, I'm sure there's more to my life than what I just told you? I just don't happen to remember it.

[He's been told about said life, and he's seen maybe a couple of weeks of it in action. Those are very, very different from actually remembering it.]

[ barry's used to it. crime scenes tend to have a life of their own, and he more often than not ends up discovering so much about it. sometimes the tyre marks talk to him, sometimes he has to pull it out of the blood spattering, and there's the occasional moment where he has to force himself into someone's life like he's a distrusting parent reading his kid's diary when it comes to threads left behind. he finds he's often on the receiving end of a lot of life stories, often ones that end with someone with cuffs snapping around their wrists thanks to joe west. ]

[ and then there's the occasional person who likes to tell him how his life is. between thawne and gideon, barry's sometimes found himself kind of in awe with whoever he becomes in the future. ]

[ he smiles, ] Maybe you will, if you take it slow. Some things weren't meant to be rushed.

[ ironic, given who he really is. ]

[ and lifts his coffee to his lips. after drinking some, he reaches for more sugar packets. taking a bunch, he opens two and pours it into his coffee. he wants that buzz to last for longer than two seconds. ]

[It's incredibly solid advice, too. Stefan had gone in the exact opposite direction, denying who he was because he couldn't handle the pain and the suffering behind the ornate cursive.

Maybe he shouldn't deny himself that, and maybe he should start to rediscover himself, whoever the heck that may be.]

Sure seems like it, yeah.

[He pauses, staring at the liberal use of sugar. Someone's got quite the sweet tooth. Stefan hadn't considered that his new acquaintance (new friend, he reminds himself) would've wanted something less strong. Note to future Stefan: ask. Ask, and hope that one of those frou-frou drinks would be more suitable.

Or they could just go down the menu. Everything's free when a closet answers their whims and desires.]

Hey, um - if that's not enough, I can get you something else.

Hm? [ barry's ripped three sugar packets, and is onto his fourth before he realises what he's doing. ]

Oh! I'm fine. Real fine. I just do this when ... I'm thinking. [ except that's a little white lie. barry does it when he needs to keep himself preoccupied, or when he needs a bit of a hit. barry allen can never sit still, and it seems as though that restlessness isn't showing itself in the tapping of his still feet, but in him ripping sugar packets. sometimes he forgets to curb his urges when it comes to food when he's not hanging around his team. (those urges would make anyone who doesn't know him concerned about his diet, and he can't blame them at times.) ]

[ he puts that fourth unopened sugar packet down. he shakes his head, ] I don't have a sugar problem. [ and he keeps shaking his head before he winces. ] I sound like I'm denying I have a sugar problem.

You uh, pile on the sugar when you're thinking? I'm no nutritionist, [or at least he sure hopes old-Stefan wasn't because hello irony,] but wouldn't you just spike and crash?

[He remembers this vaguely, from the general biology (biochemistry?) texts he had picked up since the Mindscape. He shouldn't have to rely on Barry, the next time Wonderland sends him flying into an empty chemistry lab with only the periodic table and a two-way mirror. Teamwork had been the point, sure.

But Stefan sure felt like he couldn't contribute much, beyond burnt hair and a blank slate. Either way, he's already scooting back his chair, with an understanding (if not downright amused) expression.]

You are, but that's okay. No shame in having a sweet tooth.

[Or sugar-y appetite.]

... Yes.

[ barry's not quite selling his answer. of course he knows that he'd spike and crash, but these days, that spike and that crash don't quite last for as long and as strong as they used to. for him to reach that sugar high, he needs to consume so much that it'll linger in his system for more than a second. and he has a feeling because he often runs after he has some sugar, he never quite experiences that high like a normal person. perhaps some chirpiness when he's running, but he generally seems to calm down once he needs to focus. ]

[ for a moment, he thinks he needs to watch how he eats. as barry allen, he needs to be more mindful of operating at human capacity. as the flash, he can get away with this, because he doesn't advertise himself as being completely normal and human. ]

But the high's the best part. And people say I'm really sweet, so. [ he lifts his shoulders, trying to gain traction again to address the awkward cover-up. he smiles, ] I figure I might as well prove it, you know? Sugary sweet. My teeth are going to hate me in a few years.

[He laughs, not fully convinced. Something about Barry isn't quite right, but Stefan won't be the one to address it. He has enough secrets and skeletons rattling around his closet to pry in someone else's. No matter how much he wants to.

After all, he might be looking for zebras when he should seek horses. Some people have impossible sweet tooths.]

Yeah, just be careful. I don't think Wonderland has dentists. [Or doctors, though he's never tried to seek them out. His healing factor usually does the job.] If you know what you're doing, then um - I'll let you be the judge of that.

Unless [ there's an unopened sugar packet in his hand, which he uses as though it's a fork. he points it toward stefan, though it flops. ] Mad Hatter's the dentist. And that's why he's not around.

[ sure, sure, barry. regardless of how unlikely that theory is, barry settles for it. it pulls the attention away from his sugar, even though it remains in the peripherals for now. ]

Couldn't you just ask for new teeth from the closet? I know that paints a really gross image, but those closets so far don't have a limit on them. The impossible's possible. And so are teeth, I think.

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