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[ given he has no idea where this conversation may be heading, he opts to immediately plead innocent. ]

Beyonce doesn't Schmoogle herself, so I don't either.

[ he totally does. check the computer history, iris. it legit says "bartholomew" "other people named bartholomew" "the flash vs the streak" "cat memes" ]

So you haven't seen the fanfiction?

[ she's not one to talk considering she just looked herself up, but the amount is enough to overwhelm even one who's familiar with the Internet. Or so she'd think, anyway. ]

[ ... he thinks he sees where this is going, and he sees no point in denying it. she's onto him; when iris has a bone, it's so hard to get it off her. ]

Okay
I lied
I Schmoogled myself

And can I just say I do not appreciate the Flash/Arrow fanfictions that have me as the bottom!

[ ... wait what. How come Barry got to kiss Oliver in the RPF and she didn't???]

As great as that mental image is, I don't think you'll have to worry about those anymore.

[ Image link: A tag on a fanfiction site with now hundreds of Barry/Iris stories. Some have 100,000 words and counting??? Oh and there's a random Barry/Iris/Cisco or Barry/Iris/the Flash (yes, as a separate entity) mixed in for good measure. The fans have been uh, prolific. ]

[ all iris will receive is a solid "..." for a good two minutes. of course barry's already gone through most of the summaries on the first page, sorted it from most popular and then from least popular. he's pretty sure what he's experiencing right now is a brain explosion. ]

Have you read any of these?

[ he has to do a serious double-take since there are smut stories about them — barry and iris, and iris and the flash ... who is not barry? but is barry? but isn't barry? he's going to click on one to see how this works. ]

[ It might've been in her best interest to lie and claim that she's sped through all of them, but Iris isn't the fastest reader alive. ]

Only the first one.

[ Mostly because it has a coherent summary and the premise of Barry dressing up as the Flash to impress (or seduce) her was too hilarious to ignore. The tags and reviews had only confirmed her suspicions. This was better and worse than FanPort, and may just be the gift that keeps on giving. ]

On the bright side, no one seems to know who the Flash is??

I think I'm offended. But then I'm really impressed no one really believes Barry Allen is the Flash. But why not? Barry Allen can be the Flash! He can so be the Flash! The Flash and Barry share so many qualities, like being into running away from things, knowing Iris West, and actually having super speed.

[ it seems as though barry has forgotten that he is, indeed, the flash. he clicks on one of the stories and begins to super speed read ... and then stops. ]

Is it weird if we read this stuff about ourselves?

You're hiding in plain sight!! Take it as the highest compliment. 😊

And nornally, I'd say yes... but this feels more like research.

[ The distinction helps her sleep at night. Sure, she ran into some strange stuff when she ran the blog, but nothing on this scale. Iris didn't even know what fandom was, prior to getting Ported into this universe. She's not sure if the discovery is good or bad just yet. ]

tbh I'm amazed it's all legal.

Edited 2017-10-14 05:37 (UTC)

[ the sad thing is, barry knew what fandom was — he'd been dead set in the centre of it all on the internet — but he hadn't thought his status as an import would lead him to being the feature of a fan story. it makes him wonder if there's any fan stories circulating the internet on earth-1 regarding the flash ... ]

[ the flash and iris. barry and iris. ]

[ as fast as his brain is at processing, he's come to a slow crawl at this one. ]

"What if Iris had greeted Barry a little differently after he was ported back in? #Smut #DomIris"

Hmm ... I might read this one.

[ legit, he's gonna. ]

Edited (brb writing this) 2017-10-14 05:42 (UTC)

[ That is not a hashtag she would have ever associated with her name, and yet – ]

You wouldn't....... 😩

[ oh who is she kidding? He absolutely would, and probably critique it all to her face later. ]

[ by the time her text comes, he's read it and the reviews. he does, however, pretend he's the slowest reader in the world. ]

Damn, Iris. No respect for the innocence of your flowers. They're never going to bloom again after that.

[ will barry realise how this is going to become awkward soon? the jury's still out on that one. if he forgets he loves iris, then speaking to her on a platonic level about her being sexually dominating in front of her flowers at her work will be easy, breezy. ]

[ This is exactly the kind of thing best friends tease each other about, but she feels way too grateful that she's not talking to him face to face. How many times has she imagined greeting him at work with a kiss again...? ]

Flowers are stronger than we think.

Let me guess: you finished it already?
Or was that just the opening act?

Just finished reading it again. Pretty good piece of fiction. Not bad for my first Barry/Iris story.

[ is he going to read some more? he doesn't really know. he's used to reading about the flash in the newspapers, secretly beaming at how proud the city seems to be regarding his successes, but reading about how he and iris choose to reunite since his return to this earth ... it's a little on the weird side. ]

[ but oh so interesting from an analysing point of view. ]

This is weird but so interesting, right? I can't be the only crazy one here.

I wonder if this is what celebrities feel like.

[ The ones back home, she means. Iris was climbing her way up in the world of journalism, but no one really writes RPF about the likes of James Baldwin and Rachel Carson. For one, she could see both Baldwin and Carson sending back tons of edits with every chapter. ]

It's one thing to be famous for heroics, but people are actively invested in this. [ In us. ] I'd ask why, but the stories kind of say it all.

"Tenacious, incredible investigative journalist Iris West, and smart, scrawny CSI Barry Allen."

It kind of writes itself, imo.

[ as famous and heroic as the flash happens to be, iris can't write herself short. if it hadn't been for her, central city wouldn't have welcomed the flash with open arms the way they did. they had accepted him, and when they were losing their faith, they read iris' powerful words to fix it. ]

[ she speaks of heroics, and he thinks of her. ]

**smart, witty, incredible CSI Barry Allen.

Don't sell yourself short, either. (:

[ She's one of his biggest fans - probably the biggest fan - and yet his praise means the entire world to her. She's so, so glad he can't see her flustered face, because his belief in her matters more than anything. ]

Hey, I think I just found a story where you solve a murder in my flower shop :OO

[ this is officially the weirdest thing she's ever done with him, but it's also enjoyable? in an equally weird way? bless their fandom. ]

[ thank god he is not standing in front of her right now, because he's blushing. even though he knows how she feels, it's that — the undying belief, the refusal to think any less of him — that keeps him running. ]

For real?

OMG does this involve #DomIris because Bubs n Bulbs will never be the same for me ever again.

[ no offense, he's all for #domiris, but that flower shop needs to remain sacred until at least their first anniversary. ]

ewww, of course not. Get your head out of the gutter 😫

[ She has no idea, honestly, and she's not sure she wants to find out. Her flower shop will never be the same again. ]

What!?

[ he's laughing. god, can you hear him laughing from the golf course? he really needs to get back on his buggy and pretend to be landscaping when he's already finished the job. ]

Come on! It'd be hot! 🔥 🚒

[ if he's gonna run with this train, then she might as well take it to its logical conclusion . . . ]

Oh, is that what you're into these days? 🤔 🤔

I am not against being adventurous.

[ is that a neutral response? he doubts it. barry is quite fond of sticking his foot in his mouth and tripping over the other one. ]

Unlike this one story that has me being so boring??? Iris likes the Flash more than Barry??? What is this?? I'm going to leave a review. This is defamation of my character -- literally!

Just make sure it's anonymous, or we'll end up on the Majority Report.

[ Iris wants to write the news, not make it for dragging some poor teenage girl (or guy) through the mud . . . ]

But also you're the opposite of boring???
Idek what these writers are talking about... it's never been a dull moment.

[ Quiet moments, sure, but she loves those the best. They're like Earth-1 Netflix and Chill, except with actual Netflix and snuggles. ]

[ barry isn't actually going to leave a flaming review regarding this one particular story. if he does it for this one, then he'll need to do it for them all, and though he's as quick as a blink of an eye, he also knows it's not the worst thing in the world. given what he's lived through, it's hardly a blip on the radar. ]

[ but he's allowed to be dramatic. let him have this moment. ]

The Flash is more interesting than me! But I'm the Flash! Also the Flash wouldn't have the possibility of dancing with Beyoncé if it wasn't for ME.

[ moment over. ]

Thanks for not thinking I'm boring. I know my science talk is boring for you. But I've gotten better at speaking actual English to you these days!

It's a weird paradox, isn't it? The Flash can't be more interesting than you but "Chronicles of Our Own" thinks otherwise??
Beyoncé should be honored to dance with you in any universe.

[ oh, she's indulging it for all its worth. It makes her flower arrangements go that much faster!! ]

True. But at least now I can understand you no matter what language you speak. (:

[ Including, but not limited to, any sort of languages he may pick up from the Speed Force (?) ]

[ 👀 this house is bitchin' ]

THAT is the best, most realistic fic out there!!!

[ sorry, iris; he ships himself with beyoncé. ]

You've got such a cool power. c: Has Cisco given you a superhero name yet?

[ the one person who will push iris to become a superhero is this idiot right here. ]

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