[ it's on the first floor, and iris is quick to point that out so he won't worry. she was safe and out of harm's way, for once. but it's clear she's on the move now, leaving behind the foamy latte she'd ordered in favor of climbing up the stairs. destination: barry's room. he isn't the only one that worries. ]
I saw someone mention a complication in the lab?
[ something about an aether? iris has no idea what that is, barry is usually the one that translates science jargon into english for her. ]
[ this time, when he says it, there's something much more deeper to it. his voice is meant to summon shackles to keep her tethered to the first floor. he doesn't need her to inform him she's coming up to the floor they share — barry just knows. ]
[ he could sweep out of his room and throw her into the fountain or the ocean, but barry's not so sure where that aether thing is. he doesn't think it's close to his room (yet), but ever since being hit by the particle accelerator explosion and a bolt of lightning, he's been a little more careful when dark matter substances leak near him. ]
Stay on the first floor. It's like the particle accelerator explosion all over again, except I don't know what it's going to do.
[ what he's come to understand about wonderland is simple: not everyone knows the flash. because no one knows the flash, they're not from central or starling city. they could be from national city, but when he'd saved a man in the library, he hadn't pondered if he was supergirl wrapped up in two primary colours. he'd been so confused by the appearance of someone with incredible and impossible abilities it's made it easier for barry to draw his conclusion that wonderland is the hub for many earths to collide inside. ]
[ barry may have sped-read some of the network posts and selectively skimmed the pamphlet he still needs to properly read, but he can easily discern wonderland's made up of people from various worlds. and because they're from various worlds, their particle accelerator explosions may have a different and even unwanted affect on him. ]
[ but he doesn't tell iris. that'd only make her walk faster. ]
[ unfortunately, regardless of how many times joe west tells her to run in the opposite direction when she sees danger, iris isn't anywhere close to listening. particularly not when her loved ones are involved. in this case, iris would actually feel partly responsible. she is the one that decided on the fourth floor when she first found caitlin.
if either of them are hurt ...
iris doesn't need anyone to tell her how high the stakes are here. if barry, the fastest man alive, is trapped in wonderland, it's powerful in its own right. magic unlike they have ever dealt with floods these halls. it's everywhere: the mirrors they walk past, the food they consume, and the rooms they sleep in. it's even in the people they meet, meta-humans but not.
he can't keep her away. not this time.
she reaches the fourth floor, glancing left and then right, stepping over debris that's scattered on the floor. ]
[ barry's stupid if he thinks iris will do as he asks and stay on the first floor. ]
[ in hindsight, maybe he should've told her he'll come to her. allude to how he's easily able to leave his room without much of a worry and speed down the staircase — or even jump out his window. but iris west is anything but determined, and barry allen knows this like he does the back of his own hand. if he moves, she's in danger, and so he stays put and waits for her. ]
[ he's used to it. waiting for iris used to leave him wanting, but now it's only left him anticipating the best. this? it's not necessarily the best thing to wait for her for, but he likes it when iris plays hero for him. ]
[ when he hears her, he opens his door — solid and thick, but he's wondering how long him wanting his door to be as thick as any steel, as impenetrable as any carbine will last — and pulls her in with a burst of yellow electricity. the door slams shut, seals itself into place, and barry wonders if wonderland will let him remove the hinges and place a wall there without any door to exit from. ]
You shouldn't have come up here. [ he sounds and looks stressed, hands on her biceps before his fingers loosen their grip and he lets one fall away. glancing at his door, he wonders if that dark matter will burst back in — he's done his best to keep it away, but it's nothing like the particle accelerator explosion. ] There's dark matter everywhere — [ and he looks her over, in case her shoes have turned dark or have grown teeth or something that's not exactly right. ]
[ a small yelp is drawn from her lips as barry pulls her into the room.
her back scrapes against the door, leaning back against it now that it has been closed. her eyes search his face and taking in the stress that resides there. he's thinking about that night, and he doesn't have to say it. the night of the particle accelerator. the night of lightning and change.
iris has never seen anything like this aether, though. a tint as red as blood billowing from the lab and outward. ]
I know.
[ she swallows. her voice is almost hoarse. ] Barry, I know.
[ but she had to come anyway. he couldn't have expected anything else. if he looks down, he'll find that she's wearing sneakers. they seemed more practical, what with her exploring wonderland, and nothing is amiss. her feet are still feet. her wrists are still wrists. iris is still iris. ] I'm fine. They're already containing it.
[ the last two times he'd been struck with dark matter, he lost nine months of his life, the normalcy and mundane aspects of who he was, and he dispersed inside of the speed force. ]
[ barry's not sure what this dark matter can do. it's difficult to wrap his head around the fact that this dark matter isn't anything like the particle accelerator explosion, that it belongs to another world — it has different effects, produces different types of reactions in people. it's hard to disassociate what had changed his life before he'd even been born from all the bad and worrisome things that's already occurred during the course of the last two years. ]
[ he's still not so sure what will happen to him if he gets caught up in it. will it be like turtle time? will he disperse again? will the speed force somehow protect him from it getting its clutches on him? the speed force had been an energy force that had confused him, but barry suspects it's a member of his own team, insistent on protecting a speedster who has done nothing but try and keep time in place, even though he has to wonder if a time wraith has followed him to wonderland. ]
[ third time's the charm — and barry's not keen on finding out what being hit with dark matter for the third time would be like. ]
[ after concluding iris hasn't grown spikes on the side of her face, has all ten fingers and toes, and hasn't been eaten away by an invisible force, he visibly relaxes. they're still trapped in his room, and, not to mention — ]
They may have contained it, but there's some of it that's still out there. You can't control dark matter. It's not possible.
[ he thinks the dark matter has to have a mind of its own. there's a reason why only a few hundred people were affected and infected with powers in the city; there's no doubt in his mind many others were run over with the explosion's runaway residual energy, but haven't developed any sort of meta-human abilities at all. ]
[ barry's hands travel up her arms. ] You shouldn't have come up here. [ it bears repeating. ] I was going to come down to you.
[ iris is acutely aware of what happened the night he was struck with dark matter.
she may have been kept in the dark about barry's alter-ego for months, but she vividly remembers everything about that night. the nurse holding her back as she cried out his name. her raw panic as (she thought) barry's heart stopped. and every night that followed where she and joe would alternate shifts to watch him sleep, hoping he would wake up.
he never did.
her mouth parts and a reason doesn't leave it. it's not like he's wrong. he could've come to her as easily as she came to him. it wasn't absolutely necessary that iris risk exposure to reach him, but she didn't stop to think. her fingers wrap around his wrists gently, tugging on them so that he'll look at her.
she is okay, and that's a promise. ]
You were too slow.
[ her eyebrows lift in his direction, almost in challenge, but also in the hopes of easing some of his tension. ]
[ that is such an unfair tactic. an incredibly unfair tactic. ]
[ barry visibly relents, shoulders slouching, the air leaving him with a small exhale. there's no point in fighting iris west when she plays like this — he'd been too slow, and that's often the crux of the issue when he only wants to be faster. ]
[ but iris isn't hurt. there's no shard of glass protruding from her shoulder. he hasn't run at the speed of light to only be behind by a minuscule of a second when he had wanted to be fast and harness his desperation to save her. iris doesn't need saving. she's not the one trapped in this ivory tower as he's the one uncertain of what to do. does he leave via the stairs or leap from the window? will the dark matter be attracted to other dark matter? does the aether sense the people other dark matters have touched? those are all questions he should've asked, but he hadn't had the capacity to do so. ]
[ at the end of the day, it's him who needs saving. instead of barry calling iris to come catch him from the base of a building as he takes a leap of faith from the fourth floor, she calls him and takes a leap of faith by climbing the stairs to him. ]
[ it's all backwards. but barry doesn't quite mind. ]
Most of the time I don't want to be.
[ it's quiet. he knows it means something much more than this, but he doesn't take the time to analyse it where the world slows down and he has a second to decide whether or not he'll snatch a flying bullet from the air or let it hit its target. but he has to relent on this one and drilling it into her head this had been a stupid idea, and he does, eighty-five percent. ]
[ okay, maybe seventy-three percent. ]
[ possibly a sixty-eight percent. ]
[ coming up to the fourth floor when there's dark matter charging this way and that had been stupid. one hundred percent stupid. but barry doesn't love iris any less for being stupid. ]
[ his hands don't move from her. a part of him is afraid if he does, she'll disappear, wrapped up in the dark matter that wants to slip over the threshold of his room. barry looks at her, brows rising, as he repeats once more with feeling, ] Are you sure you're okay?
[ iris was so mad at barry and her father when she first found out barry was the flash. she was also mad at herself: for not figuring it out sooner, for being so oblivious to what was right in front of her, for the actions she took that led to eddie getting kidnapped. the anger didn't last, and it's because she knows deep down in her heart all they've ever wanted to do is protect her. keep her safe and from harm. but she also meant what she said when she told them to stop.
she isn't a meta-human.
iris has no special powers to boast of, and she isn't anywhere near as fast as barry allen. but she has also learned to be her own hero when she's had to stand on her own, if only to prove that she can. she has learned it's not about one person always rescuing someone else. they take turns in saving each other.
this is what people do when there's love and friendship: they save each other until they can save themselves.
she doesn't need to be reminded it was foolish. just like she doesn't need a reminder that barry doesn't mean to be slow most of the time. he takes the blame for things that are his fault and things that aren't. she wonders if that will ever change. ] Yes, Barry. I'm okay.
[ iris squeezes his fingers in hopeful reassurance. she leans against the door in relief. ]
I told you it was going to take more than a rabbit hole. [ not that she's eager to learn what would do her in. ]
[ and apparently dark matter exploding in their chosen corridor, but barry doesn't say that. he opens his mouth to rebuff her, but he gives up with a sigh, visibly deflating before her. iris is okay, and that's all that matters. with all ten fingers and all ten toes, she's unaffected by the dark matter that he fears will be drawn to him. ]
[ he takes a step back, just a tiny one, and lifts his hand behind his head to brush his fingers against the nape of it. all awkward limbs and bony elbows, he looks at the door like he can see through it. his vision can't phase through it like he wishes it sometimes would. ]
I don't know if it's safe to stay here.
[ it's the one thing he wants to be sure of, that being holed up in his room is the smart thing to do. but barry knows better than anyone that if it doesn't sound like a smart idea, it most likely isn't. and with iris now in his room with him, it makes him consider whether or not this is the best place to be. the dark matter can slip and slide throughout all of wonderland much like the particle accelerator explosion had, leaving nowhere safe and untouched. not even the fastest man alive can outrun the impossible. ]
[ lowering his arm and letting his hand smack against the side of his though, he gestures with a swing of his hand toward the door. with a pinch to his brows, he shrugs his shoulders, and hates how powerless he feels over this entire situation. he looks at her and wishes he had the answers like joe. ]
[ there's the slightest of pauses, and it's all too easy to miss. iris realizes how that might sound to anyone that isn't barry, she gives a small shake of her head. what she means is, her room didn't seem affected when she walked past it, and there's an interconnecting door between them. they wouldn't have to use the hallway. ]
My room is safe, I think.
[ okay, that sounds better. whenever barry flounders, iris is there to step up to the plate. she can come up with a plan of action when needed, if girder-turned-zombie is any indication. they find themselves in uncharted waters here in wonderland. it's no central city, and it's not meta-humans they're up against. ]
We can read the rest of the network post together, get more information on this aether and its containment process. Sound like a plan? [ she can go back to her notes and add aether to the list of things they're going to need to keep in mind. ]
[ considering he had only gained a few answers that had become jumbled amongst what he knows of dark matter, barry has been in dire need of an invesigative reporter like iris. or just iris, really. ]
[ even though he's no less calmer knowing she's here and close to where the explosion had taken place, he's nonetheless comforted by her presence. where he panics, she remains calm and cool-headed, and he finds he leeches off of that. he does so now with a nod, even if he suspects they'd be better off on another floor of the mansion. ]
Yeah. [ he glances around his room. it may not be dripping with dark matter, but the fact he's been trying to tap into the magic of wonderland to change it to protect him is enough of a hint not all is well. he suspects, in a few hours, that dark matter will slip beneath his door. ]
It's just — [ sighing, he shifts around, unable to stand still. explosions involving dark matter unnerve him, especially when thawne happens to be in the vicinity. but he eventually looks at her, and allows that stress to pinch his features and overcome him. ] Another dark matter explosion, Iris. This isn't good.
[ her fingers tangle with his once more, and her tug is gentle as she leads barry to her room. much like iris suspected, it remains exactly as she left it. she doesn't know why hers would go unscathed when so much of the first floor took a hit, but iris has learned there won't always be satisfying answers in wonderland.
and you better believe she rushes toward her laptop, and a familiar clicking follows shortly. she'll let him pace if he needs to. ]
As far as I can tell, this aether is inside someone. [ which ... makes things trickier. it's not this person's fault, after all. ] Whoever Dr. Foster is, she's turned her lab into a containment room, but they aren't sure how to control the aether itself.
[ she chews on her thumb, and resumes her scrolling. ]
They're from a different world. We don't know if it's the same thing we've dealt with in the past.
[ leaving his room behind, hers feels different. it's lighter. it's more iris than it is a blank space like his. her walls aren't as starkly white and as detached as his room is. there may be accents of black and something pretentiously fancy in its design that makes him think of rich people in rich houses sipping from rich gold goblets, but it lacks the chaos of barry allen. ]
[ he likes her room best. but despite the comfort and the light feeling he's washed over with when she pulls him inside, he begins to pace. glancing around like he's trying to search for a portion of the aether inside of her room, barry listens to her and lets her go to her computer to tap away at the keys. ]
[ in another life, this is how he used to like sneaking up on her, watching her type yet another article on the streak. ]
[ but he moves quickly, producing a gust of wind and yellow, vibrating electricity as he catapults himself from one wall to the other. it's all because iris is here to stabilise him and help him think, the voice in his head that always guides him back home. ]
I feel the same.
[ he walks toward her, shrugging his shoulders. coming up behind her, he looks over her shoulder, and stands a little too close to where she is. ]
I think if I wasn't, I'd feel it. Like when Wells took some of my speed. Maybe it really is a different kind of dark matter.
[ iris' room isn't a duplicate of the one back home. she wasn't detailed enough to request anything too familiar, and she has no interest in replicating the real thing. wonderland's mansion may be accommodating, but iris refuses to be lulled into a false sense of security, and she doesn't want to grow complacent.
that said, the room is unsurprisingly warm in its touches, with a hint of chic to it that's more iris than not. at the far back there's a small office space where iris keeps her laptop. she currently sits at the desk as she continues to gather information. ] We'd all feel different. With the particle accelerator, the consequences were immediate. [ add lightning to it and barry fell into a coma nobody could explain.
the more she reads, the more confident iris becomes. the explosion, while not innocuous, won't have any lasting consequences.
iris can feel him approaching from behind, and she turns sideways, angling her head upward to look at him. she places her hand on top of his once more, a mirthless smile reaching her face. ] I know why you're worried, but I really don't think we're dealing with the same thing.
[ it doesn't mean they shouldn't be careful, but it does mean wonderland is a whole different animal. ]
[ unfortunately for barry, he can't quite confirm whether or not the consequences of the particle explosion had been immediate. knocked out cold for nine long months, he hadn't even had an inkling anything had changed — from his genetic makeup to his lightning struck abs. ]
[ when he feels the weight and warmth of her hand on his, barry looks at her from the corner of his eye before turning his head. if iris west doesn't think there's anything to truly worry about, he has to believe in it. barry's a skewed mess of uncertainties and not being able to even read himself — an explosion of any kind — good matter, bad matter, even lady gaga songs — isn't something he should be taking lightly. not after the "contained" particle accelerator explosion that had sent him into the speed force, not after learning some metas who they dubbed as evil were simply trying to live with their abilities and were as confused as he was hours after waking up from his coma. it's not a good and reliable practice, and barry's beginning to learn the world isn't so black and white. ]
[ it doesn't sit well with him, regardless. an explosion of dark matter had created him and the reverse-flash, and so it's hard for him to let anyone, regardless of their knowledge-base and their experiences with said explosions and matters, calm his own worries. but iris isn't just anyone. ]
[ he looks back at her laptop. ] If you really think it's not like the particle accelerator …
[ it's all he can really believe in: iris west and her own investigative skills. all barry wants to do is save everyone, and iris is often that voice that tells him whether or not he should let someone rescue themselves. ]
[ twisting his body away from the chair, his hand remains under hers while he throws his other over his shoulder. it's a slight joke, but it scarily holds some truth to it. ] I'm still going to leave the window open to jump out of if it's worse than what they're telling us. Who knows what this aether's going to do to my speed or you.
[ iris would love to assuage his fears, but they're too valid to dismiss.
moreover, she really does believe that fear can be a good and healthy thing — to a degree. it shouldn't paralyze them when they need to act. it shouldn't keep them from what's important. but fear can also let them know what risks are worth taking. fear kicks their survival instincts into gear, and that's what keeps them going when every other fiber of their being wants to lay down and call it quits. fear is what makes them push a little harder.
(iris isn't scared of dark matter. she's scared of time, even if she doesn't know it.) ]
We can jump now.
[ what? it would hardly be the first time. ]
We can stay outside until we know more, or check on everyone in the other floors. [ it'll be better than pacing a hole into the room. ]
[ if he's not sitting at one end of the spectrum, it's the other. there's hardly any in-between with barry allen; it's either the north pole or the south pole, never meeting in the middle — either he's confident or he's insecure, and right now he's severely lacking in the former. ]
[ the speed force had instilled a confidence within him he no longer feels. with each passing minute he spends in wonderland instead of in 2000, changing history, saving mom, saving dad from a fate that wasn't fair, he begins to doubt himself. ]
[ he begins to doubt his impromptu plan to go back and save mom. he begins to doubt himself as a speedster, as a son, a friend, a hero, a person. is staying in her room when a dark matter is crawling through the corridors smart? barry's not so sure; thawne being present in wonderland has thrown him askew. the entire premise of his stay here is beginning to eat at him the longer he remains quiet and stuck in his own head. ]
[ alice had once said there was no use in going back to yesterday, considering she was a different person then. barry's finding he isn't so sure who he was yesterday or the day before that, or who he'll be tomorrow. but he knows who he is when he's with iris, and although that's almost akin to a bumbling idiot who doesn't quite know if he wants to go left or right, he finds himself more grounded than he'd been in his room. he could've run out of it, but he'd stayed in fear of losing his speed and his chance to continue his heroics and also save mom. ]
[ moving his hand from beneath hers, he lets them curl around the back of her chair. leaning backward and on the balls of his heels, barry glances over his shoulder, surveying her room, the patterns of her bed and the walls, and then looks to the window. ]
[ it'd be smart to jump. but it'd also be smart to stay. ]
Maybe we should … stay here. For an hour, maybe? Then we can take a leap of faith.
[ iris places both of her hands on her lap. she studies him as he appraises every inch of her room. she almost doesn't know if he's looking for signs of danger or somewhere he can run toward that will finally show him the way. they've grown up alongside one another, as family and as best friends, but iris also knows there's a part of barry that's never left the living room where his mother was killed. she doesn't know if it's a part that he's ever getting back.
she's played along, so far. they've had extravagant feasts and they've explored wonderland to their heart's content. there's been laughter and word associations, even if she can sense that he's so far from happy that he's likely almost forgotten what that feels like. she's never not going to support him being the flash. she's never not going to try and give him the space and the diversion that he needs.
but she also doesn't want all of these things to come at the expense of barry himself.
she doesn't want barry to successfully tear himself apart in his grief and his doubt. while she acknowledges what he has suggested, and quietly agrees to wait until he's ready to leave this room, she's also regarding him with open eyes and: ]
[ it's probably smarter to make a break for it now, just in case iris west's room also becomes a victim of dark matter. barry's pretty sure his room will be — all horrible things happen around him, and he thinks it'd be the icing on the cake, his room swallowed up by another worldly dark matter. even though earth-two bartholomew allen hadn't been touched at all by the dark matter, rendering him a human instead of the flash, it still affected his life a great deal. regardless of how fast he runs, he'll never escape what made him who he is. ]
[ looking down at her, barry blinks, and doesn't quite react quick enough. for a moment it's as though she's asked him a question that he doesn't know the answer to, or can't quite make out the meaning of. but his brows pull together and he smiles, playing it off, as he shakes his head and responds with an easy: ]
The other night.
[ it's not a lie. lying in bed and drifting off for a few moments — minutes, perhaps even hours — before waking up means he slept. it's how it's been for a long while now. barry sometimes drifts off in his lab when there's no meta to fight and all his cases have been completed for the day. there's always been a slight crick in his neck from lying back on his chair, or even dropping his head on his desk until he's awoken by a loud bang or from a nightmare. ]
[ but he's slept. lifting a hand to his face, he drags it down his cheek, as though he can feel whether or not he looks tired enough to prompt her question. ]
I'm fine, Iris. I don't need to sleep. I've slept enough.
iris knows exactly what she'd do if circumstance allowed it: she'd reach out to henry, but henry is gone. she can't give him his parents back. she can't take away the hurting. she'll worry regardless, though. she doesn't find it necessary to hide the fact. he's been playing things off since day one. this is probably the answer she was expecting. she fights the sadness off her smile, reminding herself there's always tomorrow to try again.
barry allen isn't the only one who has to try. ]
Okay.
[ she closes her laptop. there haven't been new replies to dr. foster's post, as of yet, but she'll keep checking. ]
[ the person barry honestly needs is right here with him. and the other back in central city, possibly making sure wally doesn't get himself sentenced to a beheading. ]
[ it's a thought that sometimes takes a long while to burrow itself inside of his head and grow roots. there are moments where barry wonders where he still fits in with the wests, no longer the surrogate son figure for joe now that wally's entered the picture. a part of him is resentful — it's human nature to fear being replaced, and barry is a meta-human — but mostly, he thinks himself to be lucky. ]
[ barry had been fortunate enough to know a man who took him under his wing for fifteen long years and treated him as his own. but even with that in mind, barry still doesn't feel whole. joe's not his father, not by blood, and a part of him, a small, vindictive slice of him that hates himself, doesn't believe he should ever be joe's problem. ]
[ but barry doesn't tell iris any of this. losing henry has only reminded him of the burden he had been to her family, even if they may repeatedly inform him otherwise. ]
[ glancing around her room, his gaze sweeps along her floor. iris is his best friend, and though he's chased after her with her insane ideas, wanting to fly, to be a hero, to go on adventures of their own making, he supposes it's only fair he returns the favour by making her come along with one of his. expression pinching purposefully in thought, it may be obvious to iris he's thinking of something slightly mischievous and none too serious. ]
[ iris gives him a look, caught between amusement and seriously?
thing is, if she could close her eyes and immediately change the landscape of her room to make this croquet game possible, she would. barry was never a burden. the second joe brought him home, the second barry took the hand iris was offering him, the pieces clicked right into place. barry turned their household into a home again. wally's presence could never replace him. after all, barry has never been her brother, in spite of what some people like to say.
but he is family. ]
Oh, we're playing a game, all right.
[ just not the one he has in mind. they did agree to a word association rematch, didn't they? iris plops down onto the floor, crossing her legs until she's seated in a lotus position, and looks up at him expectantly. yes, she expects him to join her and play along. ]
[ he waits patiently for her room to transform into a croquet ground. and by patiently, it's barry glancing around, eyebrow arched, waiting and waiting — ]
[ she's sitting on the ground, and of course he follows, but not without furrowing his brows in confusion beforehand. with his long legs, he easily folds them beneath him, and he could easily touch his knees to hers if he was to unfold them just a little. wrapping his fingers around his ankles, he almost rolls all the way back to plant his spine on the ground, but remains upright. ]
[ iris fights the smile that threatens to tug widely on her lips. he's so tall and lanky, all limbs and constant motion. she shifts, one of her knees pressing to his without meaning to. elbows propped on her legs, she leans forward, considering. and very quickly makes up her mind: ]
Gardens.
[ iris loves the gardens, and there's enough space near its lawns to play. she loves walking past the water lilies and the neatly-trimmed hedges, the vibrant orchards and lush fruits. the colors are so bold she's not sure they exist elsewhere. ]
AUDIO. | 🐻
[ it's on the first floor, and iris is quick to point that out so he won't worry. she was safe and out of harm's way, for once. but it's clear she's on the move now, leaving behind the foamy latte she'd ordered in favor of climbing up the stairs. destination: barry's room. he isn't the only one that worries. ]
I saw someone mention a complication in the lab?
[ something about an aether? iris has no idea what that is, barry is usually the one that translates science jargon into english for her. ]
AUDIO. | 🐻
[ this time, when he says it, there's something much more deeper to it. his voice is meant to summon shackles to keep her tethered to the first floor. he doesn't need her to inform him she's coming up to the floor they share — barry just knows. ]
[ he could sweep out of his room and throw her into the fountain or the ocean, but barry's not so sure where that aether thing is. he doesn't think it's close to his room (yet), but ever since being hit by the particle accelerator explosion and a bolt of lightning, he's been a little more careful when dark matter substances leak near him. ]
Stay on the first floor. It's like the particle accelerator explosion all over again, except I don't know what it's going to do.
[ what he's come to understand about wonderland is simple: not everyone knows the flash. because no one knows the flash, they're not from central or starling city. they could be from national city, but when he'd saved a man in the library, he hadn't pondered if he was supergirl wrapped up in two primary colours. he'd been so confused by the appearance of someone with incredible and impossible abilities it's made it easier for barry to draw his conclusion that wonderland is the hub for many earths to collide inside. ]
[ barry may have sped-read some of the network posts and selectively skimmed the pamphlet he still needs to properly read, but he can easily discern wonderland's made up of people from various worlds. and because they're from various worlds, their particle accelerator explosions may have a different and even unwanted affect on him. ]
[ but he doesn't tell iris. that'd only make her walk faster. ]
ACTION. | 🐻
if either of them are hurt ...
iris doesn't need anyone to tell her how high the stakes are here. if barry, the fastest man alive, is trapped in wonderland, it's powerful in its own right. magic unlike they have ever dealt with floods these halls. it's everywhere: the mirrors they walk past, the food they consume, and the rooms they sleep in. it's even in the people they meet, meta-humans but not.
he can't keep her away. not this time.
she reaches the fourth floor, glancing left and then right, stepping over debris that's scattered on the floor. ]
Barry?
ACTION. | 🐻
[ in hindsight, maybe he should've told her he'll come to her. allude to how he's easily able to leave his room without much of a worry and speed down the staircase — or even jump out his window. but iris west is anything but determined, and barry allen knows this like he does the back of his own hand. if he moves, she's in danger, and so he stays put and waits for her. ]
[ he's used to it. waiting for iris used to leave him wanting, but now it's only left him anticipating the best. this? it's not necessarily the best thing to wait for her for, but he likes it when iris plays hero for him. ]
[ when he hears her, he opens his door — solid and thick, but he's wondering how long him wanting his door to be as thick as any steel, as impenetrable as any carbine will last — and pulls her in with a burst of yellow electricity. the door slams shut, seals itself into place, and barry wonders if wonderland will let him remove the hinges and place a wall there without any door to exit from. ]
You shouldn't have come up here. [ he sounds and looks stressed, hands on her biceps before his fingers loosen their grip and he lets one fall away. glancing at his door, he wonders if that dark matter will burst back in — he's done his best to keep it away, but it's nothing like the particle accelerator explosion. ] There's dark matter everywhere — [ and he looks her over, in case her shoes have turned dark or have grown teeth or something that's not exactly right. ]
ACTION. | 🐻
her back scrapes against the door, leaning back against it now that it has been closed. her eyes search his face and taking in the stress that resides there. he's thinking about that night, and he doesn't have to say it. the night of the particle accelerator. the night of lightning and change.
iris has never seen anything like this aether, though. a tint as red as blood billowing from the lab and outward. ]
I know.
[ she swallows. her voice is almost hoarse. ] Barry, I know.
[ but she had to come anyway. he couldn't have expected anything else. if he looks down, he'll find that she's wearing sneakers. they seemed more practical, what with her exploring wonderland, and nothing is amiss. her feet are still feet. her wrists are still wrists. iris is still iris. ] I'm fine. They're already containing it.
ACTION. | 🐻
[ barry's not sure what this dark matter can do. it's difficult to wrap his head around the fact that this dark matter isn't anything like the particle accelerator explosion, that it belongs to another world — it has different effects, produces different types of reactions in people. it's hard to disassociate what had changed his life before he'd even been born from all the bad and worrisome things that's already occurred during the course of the last two years. ]
[ he's still not so sure what will happen to him if he gets caught up in it. will it be like turtle time? will he disperse again? will the speed force somehow protect him from it getting its clutches on him? the speed force had been an energy force that had confused him, but barry suspects it's a member of his own team, insistent on protecting a speedster who has done nothing but try and keep time in place, even though he has to wonder if a time wraith has followed him to wonderland. ]
[ third time's the charm — and barry's not keen on finding out what being hit with dark matter for the third time would be like. ]
[ after concluding iris hasn't grown spikes on the side of her face, has all ten fingers and toes, and hasn't been eaten away by an invisible force, he visibly relaxes. they're still trapped in his room, and, not to mention — ]
They may have contained it, but there's some of it that's still out there. You can't control dark matter. It's not possible.
[ he thinks the dark matter has to have a mind of its own. there's a reason why only a few hundred people were affected and infected with powers in the city; there's no doubt in his mind many others were run over with the explosion's runaway residual energy, but haven't developed any sort of meta-human abilities at all. ]
[ barry's hands travel up her arms. ] You shouldn't have come up here. [ it bears repeating. ] I was going to come down to you.
ACTION. | 🐻
she may have been kept in the dark about barry's alter-ego for months, but she vividly remembers everything about that night. the nurse holding her back as she cried out his name. her raw panic as (she thought) barry's heart stopped. and every night that followed where she and joe would alternate shifts to watch him sleep, hoping he would wake up.
he never did.
her mouth parts and a reason doesn't leave it. it's not like he's wrong. he could've come to her as easily as she came to him. it wasn't absolutely necessary that iris risk exposure to reach him, but she didn't stop to think. her fingers wrap around his wrists gently, tugging on them so that he'll look at her.
she is okay, and that's a promise. ]
You were too slow.
[ her eyebrows lift in his direction, almost in challenge, but also in the hopes of easing some of his tension. ]
ACTION. | 🐻
[ barry visibly relents, shoulders slouching, the air leaving him with a small exhale. there's no point in fighting iris west when she plays like this — he'd been too slow, and that's often the crux of the issue when he only wants to be faster. ]
[ but iris isn't hurt. there's no shard of glass protruding from her shoulder. he hasn't run at the speed of light to only be behind by a minuscule of a second when he had wanted to be fast and harness his desperation to save her. iris doesn't need saving. she's not the one trapped in this ivory tower as he's the one uncertain of what to do. does he leave via the stairs or leap from the window? will the dark matter be attracted to other dark matter? does the aether sense the people other dark matters have touched? those are all questions he should've asked, but he hadn't had the capacity to do so. ]
[ at the end of the day, it's him who needs saving. instead of barry calling iris to come catch him from the base of a building as he takes a leap of faith from the fourth floor, she calls him and takes a leap of faith by climbing the stairs to him. ]
[ it's all backwards. but barry doesn't quite mind. ]
Most of the time I don't want to be.
[ it's quiet. he knows it means something much more than this, but he doesn't take the time to analyse it where the world slows down and he has a second to decide whether or not he'll snatch a flying bullet from the air or let it hit its target. but he has to relent on this one and drilling it into her head this had been a stupid idea, and he does, eighty-five percent. ]
[ okay, maybe seventy-three percent. ]
[ possibly a sixty-eight percent. ]
[ coming up to the fourth floor when there's dark matter charging this way and that had been stupid. one hundred percent stupid. but barry doesn't love iris any less for being stupid. ]
[ his hands don't move from her. a part of him is afraid if he does, she'll disappear, wrapped up in the dark matter that wants to slip over the threshold of his room. barry looks at her, brows rising, as he repeats once more with feeling, ] Are you sure you're okay?
ACTION. | 🐻
she isn't a meta-human.
iris has no special powers to boast of, and she isn't anywhere near as fast as barry allen. but she has also learned to be her own hero when she's had to stand on her own, if only to prove that she can. she has learned it's not about one person always rescuing someone else. they take turns in saving each other.
this is what people do when there's love and friendship: they save each other until they can save themselves.
she doesn't need to be reminded it was foolish. just like she doesn't need a reminder that barry doesn't mean to be slow most of the time. he takes the blame for things that are his fault and things that aren't. she wonders if that will ever change. ] Yes, Barry. I'm okay.
[ iris squeezes his fingers in hopeful reassurance. she leans against the door in relief. ]
I told you it was going to take more than a rabbit hole. [ not that she's eager to learn what would do her in. ]
ACTION. | 🐻
[ he takes a step back, just a tiny one, and lifts his hand behind his head to brush his fingers against the nape of it. all awkward limbs and bony elbows, he looks at the door like he can see through it. his vision can't phase through it like he wishes it sometimes would. ]
I don't know if it's safe to stay here.
[ it's the one thing he wants to be sure of, that being holed up in his room is the smart thing to do. but barry knows better than anyone that if it doesn't sound like a smart idea, it most likely isn't. and with iris now in his room with him, it makes him consider whether or not this is the best place to be. the dark matter can slip and slide throughout all of wonderland much like the particle accelerator explosion had, leaving nowhere safe and untouched. not even the fastest man alive can outrun the impossible. ]
[ lowering his arm and letting his hand smack against the side of his though, he gestures with a swing of his hand toward the door. with a pinch to his brows, he shrugs his shoulders, and hates how powerless he feels over this entire situation. he looks at her and wishes he had the answers like joe. ]
But I doubt it's safe to go out there.
ACTION. | 🐻
[ there's the slightest of pauses, and it's all too easy to miss. iris realizes how that might sound to anyone that isn't barry, she gives a small shake of her head. what she means is, her room didn't seem affected when she walked past it, and there's an interconnecting door between them. they wouldn't have to use the hallway. ]
My room is safe, I think.
[ okay, that sounds better. whenever barry flounders, iris is there to step up to the plate. she can come up with a plan of action when needed, if girder-turned-zombie is any indication. they find themselves in uncharted waters here in wonderland. it's no central city, and it's not meta-humans they're up against. ]
We can read the rest of the network post together, get more information on this aether and its containment process. Sound like a plan? [ she can go back to her notes and add aether to the list of things they're going to need to keep in mind. ]
ACTION. | 🐻
[ even though he's no less calmer knowing she's here and close to where the explosion had taken place, he's nonetheless comforted by her presence. where he panics, she remains calm and cool-headed, and he finds he leeches off of that. he does so now with a nod, even if he suspects they'd be better off on another floor of the mansion. ]
Yeah. [ he glances around his room. it may not be dripping with dark matter, but the fact he's been trying to tap into the magic of wonderland to change it to protect him is enough of a hint not all is well. he suspects, in a few hours, that dark matter will slip beneath his door. ]
It's just — [ sighing, he shifts around, unable to stand still. explosions involving dark matter unnerve him, especially when thawne happens to be in the vicinity. but he eventually looks at her, and allows that stress to pinch his features and overcome him. ] Another dark matter explosion, Iris. This isn't good.
ACTION. | 🐻
and you better believe she rushes toward her laptop, and a familiar clicking follows shortly. she'll let him pace if he needs to. ]
As far as I can tell, this aether is inside someone. [ which ... makes things trickier. it's not this person's fault, after all. ] Whoever Dr. Foster is, she's turned her lab into a containment room, but they aren't sure how to control the aether itself.
[ she chews on her thumb, and resumes her scrolling. ]
They're from a different world. We don't know if it's the same thing we've dealt with in the past.
ACTION. | 🐻
[ he likes her room best. but despite the comfort and the light feeling he's washed over with when she pulls him inside, he begins to pace. glancing around like he's trying to search for a portion of the aether inside of her room, barry listens to her and lets her go to her computer to tap away at the keys. ]
[ in another life, this is how he used to like sneaking up on her, watching her type yet another article on the streak. ]
[ but he moves quickly, producing a gust of wind and yellow, vibrating electricity as he catapults himself from one wall to the other. it's all because iris is here to stabilise him and help him think, the voice in his head that always guides him back home. ]
I feel the same.
[ he walks toward her, shrugging his shoulders. coming up behind her, he looks over her shoulder, and stands a little too close to where she is. ]
I think if I wasn't, I'd feel it. Like when Wells took some of my speed. Maybe it really is a different kind of dark matter.
ACTION. | 🐻
that said, the room is unsurprisingly warm in its touches, with a hint of chic to it that's more iris than not. at the far back there's a small office space where iris keeps her laptop. she currently sits at the desk as she continues to gather information. ] We'd all feel different. With the particle accelerator, the consequences were immediate. [ add lightning to it and barry fell into a coma nobody could explain.
the more she reads, the more confident iris becomes. the explosion, while not innocuous, won't have any lasting consequences.
iris can feel him approaching from behind, and she turns sideways, angling her head upward to look at him. she places her hand on top of his once more, a mirthless smile reaching her face. ] I know why you're worried, but I really don't think we're dealing with the same thing.
[ it doesn't mean they shouldn't be careful, but it does mean wonderland is a whole different animal. ]
ACTION. | 🐻
[ when he feels the weight and warmth of her hand on his, barry looks at her from the corner of his eye before turning his head. if iris west doesn't think there's anything to truly worry about, he has to believe in it. barry's a skewed mess of uncertainties and not being able to even read himself — an explosion of any kind — good matter, bad matter, even lady gaga songs — isn't something he should be taking lightly. not after the "contained" particle accelerator explosion that had sent him into the speed force, not after learning some metas who they dubbed as evil were simply trying to live with their abilities and were as confused as he was hours after waking up from his coma. it's not a good and reliable practice, and barry's beginning to learn the world isn't so black and white. ]
[ it doesn't sit well with him, regardless. an explosion of dark matter had created him and the reverse-flash, and so it's hard for him to let anyone, regardless of their knowledge-base and their experiences with said explosions and matters, calm his own worries. but iris isn't just anyone. ]
[ he looks back at her laptop. ] If you really think it's not like the particle accelerator …
[ it's all he can really believe in: iris west and her own investigative skills. all barry wants to do is save everyone, and iris is often that voice that tells him whether or not he should let someone rescue themselves. ]
[ twisting his body away from the chair, his hand remains under hers while he throws his other over his shoulder. it's a slight joke, but it scarily holds some truth to it. ] I'm still going to leave the window open to jump out of if it's worse than what they're telling us. Who knows what this aether's going to do to my speed or you.
ACTION. | 🐻
moreover, she really does believe that fear can be a good and healthy thing — to a degree. it shouldn't paralyze them when they need to act. it shouldn't keep them from what's important. but fear can also let them know what risks are worth taking. fear kicks their survival instincts into gear, and that's what keeps them going when every other fiber of their being wants to lay down and call it quits. fear is what makes them push a little harder.
(iris isn't scared of dark matter. she's scared of time, even if she doesn't know it.) ]
We can jump now.
[ what? it would hardly be the first time. ]
We can stay outside until we know more, or check on everyone in the other floors. [ it'll be better than pacing a hole into the room. ]
ACTION. | 🐻
[ the speed force had instilled a confidence within him he no longer feels. with each passing minute he spends in wonderland instead of in 2000, changing history, saving mom, saving dad from a fate that wasn't fair, he begins to doubt himself. ]
[ he begins to doubt his impromptu plan to go back and save mom. he begins to doubt himself as a speedster, as a son, a friend, a hero, a person. is staying in her room when a dark matter is crawling through the corridors smart? barry's not so sure; thawne being present in wonderland has thrown him askew. the entire premise of his stay here is beginning to eat at him the longer he remains quiet and stuck in his own head. ]
[ alice had once said there was no use in going back to yesterday, considering she was a different person then. barry's finding he isn't so sure who he was yesterday or the day before that, or who he'll be tomorrow. but he knows who he is when he's with iris, and although that's almost akin to a bumbling idiot who doesn't quite know if he wants to go left or right, he finds himself more grounded than he'd been in his room. he could've run out of it, but he'd stayed in fear of losing his speed and his chance to continue his heroics and also save mom. ]
[ moving his hand from beneath hers, he lets them curl around the back of her chair. leaning backward and on the balls of his heels, barry glances over his shoulder, surveying her room, the patterns of her bed and the walls, and then looks to the window. ]
[ it'd be smart to jump. but it'd also be smart to stay. ]
Maybe we should … stay here. For an hour, maybe? Then we can take a leap of faith.
ACTION. | 🐻
she's played along, so far. they've had extravagant feasts and they've explored wonderland to their heart's content. there's been laughter and word associations, even if she can sense that he's so far from happy that he's likely almost forgotten what that feels like. she's never not going to support him being the flash. she's never not going to try and give him the space and the diversion that he needs.
but she also doesn't want all of these things to come at the expense of barry himself.
she doesn't want barry to successfully tear himself apart in his grief and his doubt. while she acknowledges what he has suggested, and quietly agrees to wait until he's ready to leave this room, she's also regarding him with open eyes and: ]
Barry, when was the last time you even slept?
ACTION. | 🐻
[ looking down at her, barry blinks, and doesn't quite react quick enough. for a moment it's as though she's asked him a question that he doesn't know the answer to, or can't quite make out the meaning of. but his brows pull together and he smiles, playing it off, as he shakes his head and responds with an easy: ]
The other night.
[ it's not a lie. lying in bed and drifting off for a few moments — minutes, perhaps even hours — before waking up means he slept. it's how it's been for a long while now. barry sometimes drifts off in his lab when there's no meta to fight and all his cases have been completed for the day. there's always been a slight crick in his neck from lying back on his chair, or even dropping his head on his desk until he's awoken by a loud bang or from a nightmare. ]
[ but he's slept. lifting a hand to his face, he drags it down his cheek, as though he can feel whether or not he looks tired enough to prompt her question. ]
I'm fine, Iris. I don't need to sleep. I've slept enough.
ACTION. | 🐻
iris knows exactly what she'd do if circumstance allowed it: she'd reach out to henry, but henry is gone. she can't give him his parents back. she can't take away the hurting. she'll worry regardless, though. she doesn't find it necessary to hide the fact. he's been playing things off since day one. this is probably the answer she was expecting. she fights the sadness off her smile, reminding herself there's always tomorrow to try again.
barry allen isn't the only one who has to try. ]
Okay.
[ she closes her laptop. there haven't been new replies to dr. foster's post, as of yet, but she'll keep checking. ]
What should we do in the meantime?
ACTION. | 🐻
[ it's a thought that sometimes takes a long while to burrow itself inside of his head and grow roots. there are moments where barry wonders where he still fits in with the wests, no longer the surrogate son figure for joe now that wally's entered the picture. a part of him is resentful — it's human nature to fear being replaced, and barry is a meta-human — but mostly, he thinks himself to be lucky. ]
[ barry had been fortunate enough to know a man who took him under his wing for fifteen long years and treated him as his own. but even with that in mind, barry still doesn't feel whole. joe's not his father, not by blood, and a part of him, a small, vindictive slice of him that hates himself, doesn't believe he should ever be joe's problem. ]
[ but barry doesn't tell iris any of this. losing henry has only reminded him of the burden he had been to her family, even if they may repeatedly inform him otherwise. ]
[ glancing around her room, his gaze sweeps along her floor. iris is his best friend, and though he's chased after her with her insane ideas, wanting to fly, to be a hero, to go on adventures of their own making, he supposes it's only fair he returns the favour by making her come along with one of his. expression pinching purposefully in thought, it may be obvious to iris he's thinking of something slightly mischievous and none too serious. ]
We could always play a game of croquet?
ACTION. | 🐻
thing is, if she could close her eyes and immediately change the landscape of her room to make this croquet game possible, she would. barry was never a burden. the second joe brought him home, the second barry took the hand iris was offering him, the pieces clicked right into place. barry turned their household into a home again. wally's presence could never replace him. after all, barry has never been her brother, in spite of what some people like to say.
but he is family. ]
Oh, we're playing a game, all right.
[ just not the one he has in mind. they did agree to a word association rematch, didn't they? iris plops down onto the floor, crossing her legs until she's seated in a lotus position, and looks up at him expectantly. yes, she expects him to join her and play along. ]
Croquet.
ACTION. | 🐻
[ she's sitting on the ground, and of course he follows, but not without furrowing his brows in confusion beforehand. with his long legs, he easily folds them beneath him, and he could easily touch his knees to hers if he was to unfold them just a little. wrapping his fingers around his ankles, he almost rolls all the way back to plant his spine on the ground, but remains upright. ]
[ looking at her, he arches his brow. ]
Where?
ACTION. | 🐻
Gardens.
[ iris loves the gardens, and there's enough space near its lawns to play. she loves walking past the water lilies and the neatly-trimmed hedges, the vibrant orchards and lush fruits. the colors are so bold she's not sure they exist elsewhere. ]
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